Ask the Urban Dater: Led Off the Cliff of Love

Welcome back to another edition of “Ask the Urban Dater.” I hope everyone brought their skullcaps and jello! You're gonna want to strap in and get ready for the goods folks.

Sir? I believe you forgot your ass hat. Perfect fit!!

Today's question comes from Ms. Led, a 58 year old Pro Magic: the Gathering player currently on tour through the Samoan Islands. Her favorite color is chartreuse and if it weren't for Lima beans her life would be le Sad! That said, let's get to it!

My boyfriend and I have been dating since January. He just graduated college while I still have 3 more years of school, which is one big reason for tension in our relationship. Anyway, he's said a few things to me since we started dating that seem like red flags to me. I got him to talk about how we're going to make it work when I'm back at school and in the midst of him telling me his thoughts he says, “i'm not going to break up with you, i promise. i'm not going to break up with unless something better comes along.” He's also told me he's scared he's going to hurt me by talking/kissing other girls at the bar. Another thing is, he's VERY sexual. He wants to have sex every time we hang out and in his opinion, i should since i'm his girlfriend. It's starting to make me resent him!! So, after these comments marinated in the back of my head for a few weeks I decided to break up with him. The day I did it, we were planning on going down to his friends beach house with a few of my friends. So we drove separately and as soon as I got there he wanted to talk. He tells me how he loves me, how i'm his best friend, and how I have the qualities he's looking for in a wife. The next day his best friend sits down next to me and tells me how he's on my side because my boyfriend can be VERY hard to handle sometimes. He also says how he hasn't seen him care about someone since his last girlfriend in high school. BUT, he can be very wishy washy because he talks about how he's going to pick up a lot of girls when they move to NYC but then will also say there's no reason to ruin a good thing (with me). I still care about him a lot and i don't want to break it off with him but I have to protect myself from being hurt. So, did i do the right thing?? Should i still remain friends with him while i'm at school?? And should i believe him when he says he promises he's not going to get with other girls in order to show me he really cares? I want to get back together with him but at this point i'm so confused.

Jeeeezus! Are you fucking (not effing) kidding me!??? Guys can say this sort of shit and not get dick-punched on-site!!? Holy shit, I've been messing this whole thing up for years and years…. Just. Wow…

Okay. I'm pretty sure if this guy was a flavor of ice cream, he'd be pralines and dick (who gets the reference here?). So. I can appreciate how this guy says what he wants. Going off your description, though, I have to assume this guy has had longer lasting and more meaningful relationships with Hustler rags and his right hand. Clearly, Captain Doofus needs a few dollars to buy some clues. Yikes.

Clearly you like this guy because you're tolerating a lot of shit that, I have to believe, a lot of women just wouldn't put up with. I mean, he told you he wouldn't break up with you “unless something better comes along!” For fuck sake! Really?? That's awfully generous of him. I mean that sarcastically obviously. What I douche bag… Moving on.

I can't see you faulting him for wanting sex with you every time out. There's two things girlfriends, or women who are dating someone have to do: Make sandwiches for your significant other and put out when their whims call for it. Stop yer complainin' lady. On a serious note, I hope you've told the dude to kick rocks when you're not into it. If he's still wanting you when you clearly are not into it, then he really isn't into paying attention to how you feel. That's a dick move also.

I don't think it matters whether you believe this turd or not. I think it comes down to you having self-respect enough to move on from Captain Asshole of the Light Brigade and find a man, not a boy, who can treat you right. This guy your speak of? Pralines and dick, baby.