Welcome to the B-List

Welcome to the B-List Kid. Population Fred Savage and YOU!

I’ve been to more engagement parties, bridal showers and weddings in 2010 than the Lifetime Channel could ever dream of airing.

Between my super-socialite boyfriend and myself, we haven’t had an unentangled weekend since mid-March. I’m not exactly complaining though, for I do love to don the little black dress and stand proudly on my beef’s arm. This last weekend however, something new arrived via E-Vite. Now, this isn’t the first wedding invitation I’ve gotten through electronic means, it was the message itself which bore unique flavor.

The normal part:
“You are invited to Sheila and Dave’s Wedding Reception” *view invitation*

The abnormal part:
“As most of you know, we have gotten married and want you to help celebrate our nuptials by attending a post-reception reception party. We will have drinks and cake. Please bring an hors d’oeuvre to share with everyone. You BBQ folks know what to do”.

It took me a minute to ascertain the message. So…they already got married and they already had the reception? This is the ‘other’ reception? Nu-uh, no she did not put me on the “B” list with those BBQ people who apparently ‘know what to do’. I envisioned throwing hot dogs like darts and patties like Aerobie frisbees at the newlyweds. Bad party guest! My grilled scheme was sliced in two when I noticed a missed sentence at the bottom of the invite:

“Oh and some of you have asked where we are registered it’s Crate & Barrel”.

Not only was the grammar more obnoxious than I’d care to address, the tone was flippant and degrading. Granted, I hadn’t seen Sheila in four years, but come on, we grew up on the same block. We even broke diving boards together for swimmer’s sake! How is it that Sheila and Dave had the fine taste of registering at Crate & Barrel but possessed zero class for this post party-party idea?

I quickly decided there are 2 other “B”s I’d rather be a part of than this list:

1–B movies. They leave little to be desired and you go in with the understanding that if you don’t fall asleep, it was cash well spent. But if you do snore wildly, no loss you tired thing, you deserved the rest and awaken fresh and ready to battle the next B.

2–B boobies. These close sisters are just plain playful! They’re bigger than A’s, slightly entertaining, and prove more impressive with a solid dose of Champagne. (I’ve got little ones, I live this reality).

Therefore, “B” status should be reserved for aforementioned varieties and not for groups of people you didn’t want in your special-day photo albums. Elitist behavior is downright tacky and you shouldn’t do it. It always comes back to the golden rule…how would you feel being the afterthought?