It really is no secret that relationships are hard work and that finding ‘real love’ is a bit of a journey that often involves bad dates, heartache, cringe-worthy moments and a few frogs along the way! Searching for love is no Hollywood Rom-Com and a lot of the time we are inclined to just throw the towel in and be content to live with thirty-two cats and a good source of wine and cheese rather than bothering with trying to find the elusive Prince Charming; whom it would seem fails to own a watch and thus is never on time for any woman. So we ask ourselves: “Is there just a simple way to skip all the heartache and attract the right man?” and the answer is yes! Whilst Fairy Godmothers may not exist there are practical ways and decisions we can make that allow the right man access into our lives and here is 6 of them:
1: Learn to love Number One
The first rule to attracting the love you deserve into your life is by understanding the love you are deserving of, i.e.: your self- worth. The way we view ourselves will not only set the standard of people we allow into our existence but also the way in which we let them treat us. When we fail to recognise our worth we ultimately start to invite opportunities of abuse, toxic relationships, and unnecessary battles. The choices that you make daily whether it’s in regards to your health, dreams or relationships, all stem from the way in which you view your value. By learning to love yourself in a healthy and humble way, you will eventually start to attract (and recognise) a similar healthy and for filling love.
2: Set the standard
After you have learnt to love yourself wholly, you will begin to understand where boundaries need to be placed and lines need to be drawn. Setting a standard isn’t about having unrealistic expectations or living in a Disney movie , but rather just having a clear idea of what is and isn’t acceptable. Love, whilst hard work, should not be a constant battle and there should always be more peace and progress than there is anxiety and conflict . The best way to know what is and isn't acceptable is to not only educate yourself but to also be open and honest about what you are feeling daily in your relationship. The moment that pain becomes or doubt becomes more consistent than happiness and clarity is the moment you need to reassess.
3: Get comfortable with your own company
One of the biggest senses of peace you can ever feel, is when you are completely content in your own company. The truth is the only person who should ever be responsible for your happiness is YOU and, therefore, the sooner you are able to complete yourself the better. This isn’t about being a feminist , trying to prove your independence, or that you “don’t need a man” but rather just having a sense of joy even as a singleton. The best relationship you can have with someone is one in which they do not complete your happiness but rather ADD to it consistently instead.
4: Work out what you want
There’s no point throwing away all your efforts on men that just aren’t what you are after because at the end of the day it’s time wasting for both parties (and not to mention exhausting and expensive!). Get a clear idea of what it is exactly that you want AND need, and then write it down so that you won’t forget it when you are lonely and tempted to settle for second best. You can choose who you allow entering your world and heart , so make sure that person is aligned with what you really want and need.
5: Identify the toxic ones
It’s easy to create patterns in your life that you aren’t aware of , and even after the fifteenth breakup whilst crying into a bucket of ice cream we still haven’t worked out “ what went wrong?!” The truth is when you constantly date wrong you will get the same wrong result! You are the one in control of your decisions and you are the common denominator in your relationships so essentially it’s up to you how you want things to turn out. Learn to identify the red flags before you start to let them turn into little red hearts.
6: Understand what real love is
The main problem with love is that many people haven’t actually grasped what it actually looks like. Love is not a verb, it is an action, and a daily action at that (that can and should still be put into practice even if the emotion has left). If you aren’t sure what a healthy relationship looks like , then get educated and make it a priority to equip yourself with this knowledge so you can set yourself up to receive it.
You were created to live a life filled with joy and to have whole, healthy and happy relationships, so stop selling yourself short and start inviting the love you are deserving of into your life now.
Photo Cred: Charlie Hang