Guys beat themselves up to no end trying to figure out how to ask a girl out. Approaching women can cause anxiety, especially if you're lacking in the area of confidence.

But if you practice and put yourself out there, things do get a little easier.

That said, wouldn't it be great if the woman you were after asked you out? Yeah, it would!

Sometimes, It Just Happens.

After she pours her drink from the soda dispenser, she walks past my table. I slowly look her up and down, appreciating her form. Though her eyes gaze forward and away from me, a pang in my gut tells me she’s checking me out through her peripheral vision. After she exits the restaurant to sit down, I follow and walk up to her table.

“Hey”

She looks up, “Hello!”

“I saw you in there….and thought you were really beautiful. I wanted to come tell you that!”

Her words and face express nothing but flattery, surprise, and appreciation. She invites me join her. After learning that I’m only in town for a few more days, she suggests we do something. I agree and grab her number, telling her of an art gallery I might visit. She says that after she finishes some homework, she will join me.

We part ways and I meet another woman at the library. I try to shag her quickly after a quick bite to eat, but her roommate is home and I have nowhere to stay (I should have suggested we get a hotel room). Nevertheless, my mood remains light, as I know the other girl really likes me.

Hours later, she texts me, telling me that she’s still finishing homework, but invites me to come over in the meantime.

After chatting in her room for a few minutes, we decide to skip the art gallery, and really any activity that would involve leaving her bed;)

Or, You Can Make It Happen

As that lovely girl demonstrated, sometimes it’ll happen – she likes you so much that she asks you out.

But, as I’ve also discovered, you can open the gates and smooth the path for her.

It usually works with girls who are really into you, but if you learn the signals of women and recognize those indicating interest, you will soon discover how many women out there are dying to meet you.

And when you do meet these wonderful women, there is no greater gift than providing them the opportunity to chase you. In a world full of desperate and needy men, ready to give life and limb to be with her, what she truly craves is a man she can ask out, a man she can chase.

Indirectly Suggest a Date

After moving into my apartment in a brand new city, I chat up some guys standing outside the complex; one of them turns out to be a neighbor. After talking and smoking for a few hours, we walk downtown. Seeing an Indian restaurant ahead, we decide to browse the menu-board. As I scan, I notice the hostess is really cute. I comment on the prices, loud enough for her to hear, and ask if everything is this expensive (I’m from a small town).

She responds, “Oh, where are you guys from if you're wondering about prices?”

I turn to her and find her staring right at me. Lovely girl.

As I tell her where I’m from, her eyes light-up with interest. She follows up with a few questions. Drinking comes up in our discussion and she mentions that she doesn’t drink. I really like this.

“Oh really? That's awesome!” and I high-five her.

Feeling a mischievous vibe, I decide to build a bridge between us and expose some commonalities (usually you want to avoid jumping at the bit to make a connection, since it makes you look thirsty, but she was already giving so much).

“I actually recently quit drinking,” I confess to her. She beams with excitement.

“Oh really?! No way, I don't believe you!” She says.

I reply, “Haha, well I guess we’ll have to find out in person…”

Before I can finish my sentence, she interrupts and says cheerfully, “Like hangout? Yeah, definitely!”

I say, “Haha okay, cool, let me grab your number.” And she quickly scrawls her number on a napkin for me. I pull out my phone and hand it to her. She says, “I hope I don't get in trouble for this” and laughs nervously. “Don't worry, it'll be our little secret,” I tell her.

And even though she’s the hostess and there’s a waitress on staff, she serves us the entire night. She showers us with free appetizers and even sits down with us to talk. In her excitement, she spills some water while refilling our glasses. It’s adorable to watch a girl get nervous about a man. No matter what I get from it, I’m happy to give her such an emotional adventure.

How Does It Work?

Demonstrate interest; very few women are aggressive enough to ask you out if you’re not being fun, flirty, or curious. Women fear rejection more than men, since they’re predominantly the receptive sex and rarely ask men out.

Indirectly suggest something you can do together – this can be “well, guess we have to find out then?” or even “well that sounds like it’d be a fun time” The goal is to imply with syntax, but communicate explicit interest with your non-verbals (e.g., a devilish grin, a wink, etc).

The beauty here is that you can easily transition into asking her out (assuming you know how to ask out a girl! if she doesn’t bite. She may not ask because she isn’t interested, or, she’s just nervous. If she responds with something akin to “yeah that would be fun!” or shows some non-verbal signs of interest (smiling, twirling her hair, staring at you like a piece of meat, etc), then she’s probably not aggressive enough to take that step herself. No worries. Simply follow up, “well, let’s go check it out together then!” or “hmm, well let’s get a coffee and see what else we share in common!” (I always recommend you suggest dates when you can and avoid explicitly “asking” her out).

Set Up a Barrier For Her to Overcome

Watch any hot girl’s Facebook or Instagram, and observe how many men believe that hounding women for a date or sex actually works. Aggression and persistence are attractive, but she needs to play her part in the dance (and aggression over social media doesn’t count; it’s creepy as hell).

Sometimes women playfully act coy to garner more investment from you; other times she enthusiastically follows every step of the way; but one of the most fun dynamics is when you playfully act coy and set up barriers for her to overcome. It’s a woman’s investment in you, rather than your investment in her, that is most crucial to her attraction.

Story Time

I meet a girl at a party in my fraternity house – Jayna. Although, I know I can take her to my room now, my friend texts to come hang out. I invite her to join me. When we arrive and ascend the stairs to his apartment, she begins teasing me.

I'm thinking to myself: We haven’t even hungout yet and you’re already giving me shit? And she says, “Well then that means we need to hang out!”

I give her my phone and she punches in her number. After a nauseating amount of flirting, I get up and sit on her lap. She wraps her arms around me, squeezes me and rubs my body. Then I interlock my fingers with hers and squeeze; she squeezes back. A woman who holds your hand and squeezes back is a sure signal she's comfortable with you.

The night ended with us going back to my place.

How’s It Work?

Again, you need to demonstrate interest. You can’t play aloof the whole time and expect to have a high hit rate – showing your own interest is a key part of how to get a girl back with you, and of how to get a girl in bed. The most important move here was inviting her on a fun adventure, throughout which I frequently touched her, smiled at her, and engaged her in conversation – a girl, in most circumstances, won’t ask you out if you play too hard to get. She can’t be afraid that you’ll reject her.

Then, introduce a light barrier for her to overcome – in the example above, I made “hanging out” the criteria for teasing me (i.e., we need to be better friends before she disregards social mores of politeness); she needs a clear obstacle to overcome. You can also use time constraints; say “if I wasn’t leaving this weekend, we could have so much fun together!” on a Tuesday with a smile on your face. Your words should imply an invitation, and your body language should scream it.

If you keep approaching and meeting new women, some will undoubtedly ask you out. But for the times when they don’t and you want to mix up the traditional “ask her out” process, then have some fun by getting her to ask you out. She’ll grin ear to ear for the chance to chase you.

Photo Cred: Cayton Heath

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Posted by Hector Castillo

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