5 Ways to Not Get Stuck in a Single Rut

single rut

Being “stuck in a rut” is an idiom that describes one's life as generally boring, un-fun and otherwise shitty. If you died no one would care. Okay, shit just got dark!

What I mean to say being stuck in a rut is something that no one wants to be stuck in. This is especially true if you're a single out in the world looking for one lover to rule them all. I just went through a Lord of the Rings marathon, shut your face hole, Becky! As an aside, I have a New Years' resolution to have less conversations with imaginary people named ‘Becky.' Moving on…

After many incessant DMs asking her out and what she's wearing, she's near ready to file a restraining order. I have a way with the ladies.

Today's 30 Day Challenge Post comes to us from this smokin' babe, from the Twitter:

So how do you kick up the dust in your single life? Well, if you're looking for answers, you're in the right effing place, shit head. I mean, this IS the Urban Dater after all. Right? And what good would this site be without some dating advice ?

  1. You'll get by with your friends – Often, when we're in a rut, we seclude ourselves in our personal caves. Watch more Netflix and/or porn. You leave work and head straight home… Tsk tsk, singleton. You need to get out of the Bat Cave and out into the world. Surround yourself with your friends, commit to social obligations and SHOW UP! Now, if your friends are anything like mine, they don't have single friends for  you. How shitty is that? I've implored my female friends to shore up the single talent. They got nuthin! That's okay, being social is a good thing. Keeps your wit sharp; keeps  you up to date on events and culture and presents an opportunity to get out and meet someone on your own. How? There have been many a time where I've been out with friends for a drink and struck up a conversation with someone and gotten phone numbers. Heck, I even got a drunk dude to propose to his friend at a karaoke night. He got on a table and fell off it while he finished “You've lost that loving feeling.” Hot!
  2. Be active – Okay, I realize this one seems a bit cheap. I mean, it's kinda like the previous suggestion. But doing something active like running, working out boosts confidence. When I have more confidence, I tend to talk a lot more. Not that the world needs to hear anymore bullshit from this mouth, but when I feel good about myself, I can talk to just about anyone at anytime. More than that, joining a gym or activity group introduces you to a new group of folks that are probably like-minded. Being in a running group has done this for me. A few times a week I get to run with some awesome people. Who's to say that I won't meet someone through them? Who's to say that I'm not attracted to some of my fellow runners already?
  3. Be a do-gooder – Try volunteering at a local non-profit. It doesn't have to be glamorous work, but look to  your community events calendar in the local paper. Who doesn't want to do some good in the world and potentially meet a good-looking person in the process? I volunteer in and around where I live. I haven't gone on any dates with people I've met at events, though, there a plenty of new people to meet in these settings as well.
  4. Go to a Meetup group, or organize one – Chances are if you draw breath, you're probably interested in something. Whether it's LARPing, to grappling, or organizing WordPress Meetups (like I do) then this is kind of a no-brainer. Again, the idea here is to meet new people and engage in a shared interest. If it's hiking, great. You've accomplished #4 and #2!! You rock!  If you can't find your interest, create it and people will come… Unless it's some obscure shit, like neon light, lube, slip n' slide night or something else equally odd.
  5. Don't sweat being single – One reason people who are single and tend to remain that way is because of this pressure that they create  or others put on them, to find someone. You gotta be okay with the notion of you vs. the world.  That doesn't mean you shouldn't be meeting people in the meantime. Don't put pressure on yourself. I coach a runner and we had a really good talk about finding that “someone.” To her, she doesn't feel pressure. She doesn't feel the need to bulldoze a guy into submission, date and a movie. She's content to let things play out; that doesn't mean she won't give a ‘nudge' if fate needs a healthy ‘hip-bump.'
Author Profile

Alex is the founder and managing editor at the Urban Dater. Alex also runs: DigiSavvy, for which he is the co-founder and Principal. Alex has a lot on his mind. Will he ever get it right? If he does, he'll be sure to write.

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  1. #5 was generally my philosophy when I was still single, and hey, funny how that turned into the happiest, most functional romantic relationship of my life. Totally works.

    I hope folks are reading this out there. This is some of the better dating blog advice I’ve read. 🙂

  2. Great article, I laughed at the Netflix bit as as that’s exactly what I’ve been doing (not admitting to the porn). I think point 5 is very true, since I’ve taken that approach I’ve been much happier. I’ve been single for 18 months and have just joined an online dating site. I’ve started a blog about it http://www.adddatetobasket.com

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