the Hangover Coffee Klatch – Too Little Butter…
One expression that often replays through my head is this: “Sometimes I feel like too little butter spread across to much bread…” – Bilbo Baggins. Yeah, yeah, I just quoted some Lord of the Ring for all of you; however, it is a quote that grips me because I get it, as I'm sure you get it.
Do you mind if whine for a little bit? Can I bitch to you?
Sometimes I feel alone… Incredibly alone; I feel that there's no one that quite relates to what I'm going through, just the same as I probably couldn't quite relate to you and your troubles, however, we're not talking about you. We're talking about me. Alright? In that small fast-fleeting moment I feel that I have no one. I know that's not true, but feelings are sometimes without reason… Or many times they are without reason. I have all of these responsibilities and no one gets it… Only my grandmother seemed able to put me at ease, but she's be gone for a while now and I have to learn to piece this hot mess back together…
We simply don't have enough time. I mean, if someone gave me an extra two hours every day to get my things done, I'd probably be asking for two more and then another two after that… I know what my struggles are, at least I think I do. I am sitting here typing, knowing I should have done this a week ago. I didn't. Instead I'm taking a break from a project that was due six hours ago and here I am at midnight…
This is not good.
Tomorrow I'm helping a friend move because I want to be a good friend and I know that she needs it… That's good and I feel useful. However, will I be done with this already overdue project? Will lack of sleep help me finish this project and be effective in helping my friend move? No on all counts…
I haven't even taken into account when I'll see my girlfriend, about the most important thing I got going in this messed up world… My weekends tend to play out like this… A lot. I own a business, I'm in love with it and I'm in love with a woman. These two loves pull at me, as they should; they need my attention.
My lady will ask me on occasion: “When are you going to put yourself first?” Isn't putting myself out there and pouring all that I have into the things I love most putting myself first? Meh. No. It's more gratifying just as much as it can be decimating…
That my mind bounces all over the place also does not help… I'm always thinking about the next response, the next thing to do, the next this, that or the other… My mind relentlessly trashes me with ideas… That's a good thing, unless new ideas overwrite older ones. I suppose it wouldn't bother as much if I was shitting brilliant idea after brilliant idea, however, that is not the case. And I spend much too much time on the internet. Sometimes I hate myself. Wah, wah, wah… Effing wah.
As much as this bugs me, it bothers most the ones I love even more… Also, not good.
For once, just once, I'd like to lay my head to pillow, wake up, and not have a damn thing to think about; I literally want to do nothing.
Okay, I'm done ranting and bitching. So, um, next weekend, let's talk about community and websites and if, you know, they work for something like the Urban Dater…
I know I'm not the only one here… So why don't you gripe, moan and bitch below. Go on, you'll feel better. I do! =)
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wow, you sound almost as crazy as me on this one. :p I have been hella busy myself and am behind on my UD reading/listening. Hoping to catch up soon!
My recent post Pint Sized
Yeah what up with that!!? =) I keed, I keed. Aren't you in Ohio, dear? How's that all going?