Community Matters

I’ve been reflecting a lot lately; I’ve been reflecting about the amazing blogging community that I’m so glad and proud to be a part of.

I’ve been blogging about a shade over a year and a half now, on the Urban Dater.  In that time I’ve seen our visitors and page views steadily increase.  We’ve received over 60,000 page views and over 30,000 visits.  We’ve amassed a small, but dedicated, following of amazing people on both Twitter and Facebook.  We’ve been very fortunate to make the connections that we have made.

One thing that I have learned is that no good deed goes unnoticed on Twitter and Facebook.  I’m a firm believer that if you do something kind for someone else, then it comes back to you in some way or another.  What an understatement!!  The outpour of support and kindness from fellow bloggers and followers, alike, has been nothing short of amazing and humbling.

Countless bloggers have reached out and helped me, giving me advice, retweeting my articles, accepting guest posts from me and and even posting their own guest articles on the Urban Dater.  I wish I could list them all here, especially my amazing followers on Twitter, alas, I cannot…

The community is very open and embracing to old bloggers and new bloggers alike, just ask any of your favorite bloggers.  It’s important to ensure we keep our community and our bloggers in check as well.  It’s important that we don’t lose sight of why we blog in the first place!  For some of us, it’s a full time gig, yet it’s a love.  To others, it’s a labor of love that bears no financial fruits; blogging gives us the chance to express ourselves to the world at large and impart our heart aches and breaks, wisdom and more.

Recently, though, I’ve become disturbed about what I’ve heard about a particular blogger.  It’s come to my attention, recently, that a certain nameless blogger has been making personal attacks on fellow bloggers that I know and that I am friends with.  In truth, I’ve known about this blogger’s wretched acts against fellow bloggers and friends, as I’ve bared witness to their acts of cruelty and heard countless numerous stories from friends that she’s burned in the past.

Needless to say, this behavior is unacceptable and while it would be easy for me to tell my followers and readers to give her the proverbial digital middle finger, I’m not going to do that.  Instead, I will make my voice heard through personal action.  In other words, I will not follow or promote any blogger that makes negative attacks or statements against anyone else.  To go one step further, I will unfollow anyone that promotes this person’s Tweets or FB pages..  If you are someone I unfollow because of this, I will let you know why I unfollowed or unfriended you.

As the digital age brings everyone closer together, we need to use the voice our shared platform provides us!  We have the right to make a stand against those whose voice attempts to drown out others, that attempt to tarnish our community and those who would attempt to attack others viciously. Community is important to me and that’s something I’ve learned with the Urban Dater, over the last year and a half.  We have been very fortunate to have a voice that is heard and we get that!  Furthermore, we will defend any voice that suffers from unprovoked aggression from others in the manner I stated earlier.  It’s not just because it’s the “popular” thing to do; it’s our responsibility as an active members of the blogging community and I implore the same from my fellow bloggers, Facebookers and Twitter Followers.  Yeah, it’s THAT important.

If anyone needs further clarification on this post feel free to contact us through the site or on Twitter

Thanks for reading

Author Profile

Alex is the founder and managing editor at the Urban Dater. Alex also runs: DigiSavvy, for which he is the co-founder and Principal. Alex has a lot on his mind. Will he ever get it right? If he does, he'll be sure to write.

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  1. As a blogger – whether you have 30,000 visitors or 300 – you have a voice. And it can be a very powerful voice. And there is (or at least there should be) a responsibility on the part of bloggers to use that platform wisely.

    I've really come to understand and appreciate the value of community, especially this week. There is so much more to be gained by building people up, rather than breaking them down.

    Oh and FYI: I heart you Urban Dater.

    1. Amen, KB! One of the biggest lessons I learned, that has shown realized benefits, is that if you promote and build others, it builds you up too! This week has been crazy, but I really loved how it brought the community together.

      Just so you know, I think you are pretty awesome. I would have said as much sooner, however, I'm incapable of telling people of my great esteem without coming off like a creepy tosser. =(

      Anyway, you rock the casbah girl! Truly.

  2. "The community is very open and embracing to old blog gers and new bloggers alike, just ask any of your favorite blog gers. It’s impor tant to ensure we keep our com mu nity and our bloggers in check as well. It’s impor tant that we don’t lose sight of why we blog in the first place! For some of us, it’s a full time gig, yet it’s a love. To others, it’s a labor of love that bears no financial fruits; blog ging gives us the chance to express our selves to the world at large and impart our heart aches and breaks, wis dom and more."

    Its all about love.. showing love.. and loving others. And while not everyone agrees.. in the end.. we're all about the love.
    .-= Maruska Morena´s last blog ..Follow Friday Drama: Count Me Out =-.

  3. Here's the thing, who gets to decide "what the community is about?" Censorship is censorship, no matter how you try to sugarcoat it.

    The blogger in question offered a personal opinion on a PRIVATE blog that was not shared with her general readership and only available to a few people with the password. You'd have to go searching and prying to get to it and even then, names were rarely named.

    What we have here is people who have a problem with differences of opinion. It's ridiculous. The problem with the dating blogger community is it's one big circle jerk where everyone goes around sharing "love" in the comments and then linking back to their own blogs. Nothing real is said and few REAL conversations occur because everyone is afraid to make waves.

    I mean, look at the hissy fit you throw when someone has a difference of opinion. This isn't preschool – you put your personal life on display for profit (be it money or attention), have thick enough skin to withstand criticism.

    1. Thanks for your comment. The question isn't about a difference of opinion. It's about personal attacks amongst peers. It doesn't matter whether the attacks come from a password protected blog or not. By the way how is one supposed to defend themselves in the first place?

      The Blogger in question is undoubtedly talented, much moreso than myself. I've read many of her posts. I dont agree with all of them, but thats nit an issue. She has reached out to me a few times promoting her attacks on a couple bloggers. I get that there are disagreements. We are bloggers after all. Blatant attacks are another matter, you can disagree and not have to make derogatory comments.

      A stand was made not to promote those who viciously attack others. Having a differing opinion is awesome. Have it. State it. Do so without being derogatory.

      1. Then I would encourage you to be consistent and also unfollow all the bloggers who participated in this event as their posts are strewn with derogatory remarks about people they date calling them fatties, uggos, and much, much worse. Do these people not have feelings as well? Do they not also deserve a chance to defend themselves.

        As I said before, if you put your personal business on the internet, any criticism can be strewn as a personal attack. If you can't take the bad with the good, keep a paper journal.

  4. @kmart – Look, I hear what you're saying, I do. I'd like to move on from this discussion, but you bring up a good point that I'd like to speak to. Much of this stems from, I feel, what we deem to be truly damaging. You do not make a distinction in negative commentary from bloggers. I do.

    The comments that you discuss, while I can't possibly know which ones you speak of, I know, that from the bloggers I have read, the targets of their commentary are anonymous. We never find out WHO they are, they're protected and hidden behind snarky, sometimes rude, nicknames and the like and never have to suffer comments from the hundreds or thousands of readers of that person's blog; they're protected. Is it immature and petty in some cases? Sure. But no one's going home with their livelihood hurt, or SEO damaged, not to speak of actual emotional damage done…

    Then there's making pointed attacks against specific individuals. The blogger in question, doesn't actually name drop her targets. However, she is kind enough to link back to the target's blog, which isn't exactly a great trade-off, in my opinion; reduce me to rubble (from your private password protected blog) and send traffic to my site, so your readers can finish what you started. Oh and do wreck my character in my comments section, too, please. There's no protection there. One of the affected bloggers almost closed shop because of the down pour of hate directed their way!

    I feel that you can disagree with a blogger's opinion and be civil/classy about it. In fact, I have a post on this site that does just that, and it's directed at an article that the blogger in question wrote!! It's not necessary to be outright derogatory and identifying them for your readership to, then, also attack that blogger. I feel that's an abuse of one's influence; that's what I take an exception to. That's not compelling journalism to me.

    I've drawn a line in the sand and stated that a particular type of blogging won't be tolerated by me. I will ignore bloggers of that ilk and those that support them by not supporting any of them with RTs, FF, Likes a high five, poke, wink or anything else.

  5. Very touching post.

    It is important for everyone to realize the power and value of communities that can work well together.

    It is very noble of you to be so honest and upfront about the issue at hand as well as with a very mature solution.


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