The minutes are ticking away. I stare at this clock on my computer. Ok Computer. I can't sleep. The active mind is a terrible thing to waste. The tired mind is little more than a waste. I sit here and I type, hoping for something substantive to jump on the screen, arrange the pixels into something resembling a cohesive sentence. Subject, noun, verb and other stupid shit that counts when composing a message to that good looking person on the OkCupid. I really am brain dead; no, that's not true, but sometimes I wish I was.
Sometimes I wish I could turn it all off, flip a switch, with a flick and a dull hum my lights go out and I fall into bed, no dreams, no thoughts, no ideas. Nothing. Sometimes I just want sleep, yet my mind never stops scheming.
“You and me, we're hustlers, but in a good way you know,” Nando told me. I think that's true of most anyone trying to strike out on their own and either avoid corporate life or trying desperately to escape from it. We hustle and no, not that god damned 70s hustle either. My mind focuses a little too much on the hustling thing. Too many ideas and too little sleep make for a shitty companion in life. I'm trying. If there were no problems, be convinced that I'm lying.
There's no point to this post other than to try to drain the juices that keep my lids from draping my tired and bleary eyes.
My active mind tells me to ditch my Mac Book when I see my girlfriend this week. However, that is a lie. I didn't come up with that idea, my good friend, Sully, advised such action. I think I'll take that advice. But don't you guys go telling Sully I did that! She can't know!! For if she did the cycle of abuse and circle of trust would be broken, you see.
You want a few secrets to living life? I'll fucking tell you right now.
- You may give up on love, but it won't give up on you. Dumb ass.
- Don't wait until you've paid off that bill and that other bill before you go living your life. Trust me, those bills will be there even when you're not.
- Embrace love.
- Failure is an opportunity to succeed.
- Help people.
- When you find someone who loves you for the worthless and crazy shit head you are, you snatch them up and you don't let go. Ever… Ever.
- Respect your elders
- Become part of a community
- Mentor someone
- Find a mentor.
- Life is a marathon, not a sprint. Note the changes in scenery.
- You're not always going to win. You may even lose all the time. Character endures the many storms you've faced, or yet faced.
- I had the most awesome grandmother ever and I miss her.
- I'm glad that my mother got a second chance at life.
- We're going to be okay.
- Tell people that you love them. You know you do, but they might not.
I'm going to bed now. I am going to imagine my girl in an LBD, or I'm going to dream about being at the San Diego Comic Con drooling over the next She-ra costume I see. Good night, kids.