3 Steps to Get out of the Online Message Inbox


This tip will be a quick one today. If you're online dating you've no doubt met some women online, sent messages back and forth either through the service you're using or through some other means, such as email, chat or text. Those methods are all fine, especially in the age of fast-paced, tech-driven romance.

However, as with all things, there can be too much of a good thing. Have you communicated so often with someone only to find that they just stop messaging you? Yeah, it fucking happens. It's happened to me a lot and it still does, but there's a difference now. I try to keep messaging communications to a minimum.

This is how I do things and maybe it doesn't work for you; maybe it does, we're hoping it does at least. Great.

How I “DO” Messaging

Step 1. Is there chemistry? Chemistry is a funny thing. You can't create it, it's just there. You can get a good vibe about a woman within a couple of messages. Does she ask you questions? Does she seem interested or is she just answering your questions? It doesn't matter how pretty you think she is, if she's not interested, don't waste your time. A woman who wants to get to know you will put in effort and it will show. That's where you spend your time. Don't message the gals that don't put in the effort.

Step 2. Beauty in Brevity. Let's say there's this crazy chemistry and you could just chat/message/Skype all night. Take advice. Don't. Leave something to discover, folks. This isn't about ‘gaming' the person you're into. This is about establishing chemistry and a mutual interest. If the chemistry is that crazy, you don't need to send more than two or three messages or phone calls…

Step 3. SET SOMETHING UP!!!! I have heard from so many woman about how they get frustrated when a guy just messages and texts them all the time, but never really bothers to set anything up in the way of a date. What the hell people? The point of online dating is get offline and meet. Crazy, right?

The above is a bit simplified, but this is how I prefer to do the online dating thing. What are your tips?

Author Profile

Alex is the founder and managing editor at the Urban Dater. Alex also runs: DigiSavvy, for which he is the co-founder and Principal. Alex has a lot on his mind. Will he ever get it right? If he does, he'll be sure to write.

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  1. I agree! It’s so easy to sit at your screen and message into the wee hours, but then how motivated will you be to meet each other in real life? I’d add that it’s often more difficult to talk in person if you’re both remembering extensive conversations that you had through messaging. It seems more honest and brave and worth it to do most of your getting-to-know each other in person.

    1. Completely agree, Alexis. If you burn through everything before you ever meet then that makes for a boring ass date.

  2. I agree with all of this…what do you suggest a girl do when a guy texts all the time but can’t or won’t muster up the courage to do an actual date?

  3. Totally nailed it by saying – The point of online dating is get offline and meet.

    I agree people need to talk to each other before dating. Is it that hard to understand?

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