Sex: Just Wrap It Up

dick in a box
dick in a box

Last night, as I was sitting at work, a few of my coworkers were sitting next to my desk, having this loud discussion about sex. One of them decided to share with the group that he was so pissed that this chick made him use a condom. He thought he was so clever when she asked him how the sex was for him and he answered, “well, fine, except for I'm fucking suffocating down there”.

All the dudes high fived him. The only  other girl in the room asked about diseases. He said that she said she was clean. He said he was clean. And that's when I jumped in. “You realize that people can live their whole lives with herpes and not know it and can be sharing it, right?”. He looked stunned. Priceless.

Anyway, this brings me to my point: STOP WITH THE UNPROTECTED SEX.

Yes, sex feels better without a condom. But you know what, sex with a condom on feels better than many things; no sex at all for one. How about burning when you pee? Or maybe vomiting every time you pee because you're in that much pain from the vomiting? Or a FUCKING PREGNANCY.

If there's one thing I'm a borderline feminazi on, it's women's issues regarding sex. This is such a scary and dangerous time for women to be toying around with unprotected sex, especially with some random from the bar. Abortion laws are out of control right now and men just don't seem to get it.

Sorry, I know I'm generalizing here, but I'm angry.

Pregnancies are scary enough, but I don't think people are as scared of STDs as much as they used to be. Attention people: not all STDs are curable. Even if they were, no way do I want the clap from a random. Just, gross, no.

People make STD jokes all the time. I never do. It's not funny. Herpes affects something like 1 in 4 people. Even worse, Herpes can be active in a person for YEARS and they could never know. You don't have to show symptoms to spread it. There are people who have never had an outbreak and don't know they have it and they're just passing it around like a pack of gum. And then those people are passing it around. And then those people are passing it around. IT NEVER ENDS.

Not to mention all the emotional damage that comes from an unwanted pregnancy or an STD. And you wouldn't believe the amount of money that goes towards all of the aforementioned.

So stop with the cycle. Be smart. Wrap it up. It's the most simple and easiest way to prevent so much. You can deal with not-as-great-as-raw-sex sex for a little while longer. And don't get pissed at her when she wants you to wrap it up. Remember, if she's not using a condom with you, who else knows who she's not wrapping it up with. And ladies, MAKE HIM WEAR A CONDOM.

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Jane is obsessed with Muay Thai, the Red Sox, and pop punk. Basically, she's your typical girl next door.

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