Death of the Single Me
“The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.” Actually, I'm not sure that quote really fits here, but it's the first one that jumped to mind that my gut approved. As many of you know, that read this little blog, is that I'm in a relationship and I have been for some time. Many things have changed in that time. I've become a little less flirty and in my relationship, we've learned not to sweat the small stuff so much. So, what does all this mean?The death of the single me. That's what this all means. It's been a slow process to me. As my girlfriend and I grow together, I've noticed how things have changed. The online dating profiles are no more. Not hidden, but deleted. I've noticed that while my eyes will still follow the leggy blonds and brunettes as they pass, the rest of me doesn't follow them as well. I have to catch myself from flirting too much these days. Another set of eyes are upon me, more importantly, another heart to care for.
The death of the single me has taken shape in other ways, too. My social calendar was very easy to fill. I would accept any and all invitations, sometimes double or triple booking. Now, I check with my girlfriend. We'll sit and compare calendars on a regular basis. “Nope, we're having a thing at my mom's place,” she'll correct me as I attempt to proclaim my night out with the guys.
This whole process is kind of like a spider snaring a fly in its web, it seems. You're flying along, carelessly, buzzing about and before you know it POOF! You're caught! The spider spun it's web long before I took flight. Wow. That actually is a bad analogy for a relationship. Spiders, webs and blood sucking… You guys know what I mean, though, right?
As things have evolved I've been having conversations that I wouldn't have expected and, frankly, was unprepared for. Marriage is one of those topics. No, I'm not getting into the whole “will I or won't I” piece of this whole thing, but it's interesting to note how much can come from a simple question like: “So what do you think about moving in together?” Moving in together turns into a whole other ball of wax. I tell you, I'm damn near afraid to even ask my girlfriend how the weather is, because I'm afraid she'll respond with something like, “Are you okay with seventeen children?” shudders at the thought
All I really know for sure is that I'm in a much different spot now than I was several months ago… That's a good thing.
PS – A quick shout out to Ms. Ribeiro, TaylorCast and my girl for being the most awesome cheerleaders a butt head like me could ever hope for.
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Just out of curiousity, does your girlfriend read your blog?
Read it? Hell, the dang woman has written for it!! =) Yep, she's read it and I'm glad she does. Truth be told, though, it's caused a couple of disagreements and such…
Surely not a death, just a redefining of who you are now, right? 🙂 I like how you phrase: "as my girlfriend and I grow together…"; definitely a sign of something, living, breathing, nurturing and worth embracing.
But you're right, it definitely requires a mind-shift going from the solo self to the coupled self. Behaviors change, must go in check, or must be cut out altogether. There is always that adjustment period. But it sounds like you are handling it just fine.
I suppose you are correct, merely a different cover for the same book, perhaps? It's funny how things have changed as I've taken personal inventory over the last few months. I take a note on each particular thing that has changed.
I'm just trying to breathe! Lol
i'm incredibly happy for you. over the time i've known you have come a long way and this woman has made a noticeable difference in your life. i like it! now if i can just be convinced that she exists by ACTUALLY meeting her….
I totally hear you. I am a dating blogger too and in a serious relationship, we even moved in. I love him and he is the best but moving from "me" to "we" was tough, especially while continuing to blog about love, relationships and sex. For a long time I thought being single defined me — how I behaved, what I talked about and what I did. Now I realize its not the single part that defines us, it is the having something to say part. Plus the relationship provides a lot more material, I mean he let me blog about the porn i found on his computer 🙂 so there is an upside of course!