If you ask 3 women why they’re not in a relationship, you’ll get 3 different answers. A lot of us are taught, “trust the timing, the right man will come to sweep you off your feet” but for some, that’s a blurry image to picture. And of course, there’s ongoing anxiety over the pandemic.
FYI: People are meeting people and finding love this year– it’s still happening, sis! The world hasn’t stopped, people are just getting more creative with adapting 6-feet apart.
If you’re having trouble figuring out why it’s hard for you to find a good man (outside of social distancing), read on to see if you connect with any of these reasons.
1. You’re not being available to yourself.
Being available to yourself includes seeing yourself the way you want to be seen in a relationship, keeping promises to yourself, treating yourself the way you want to be treated, or speaking to yourself in a lovingly way. This problem is common with people who tend to get stuck in codependent relationships, people-pleasers, and people who struggle with putting themselves first due to a lack of boundaries.
If you're not showing up for yourself consistently, it's going to be hard for someone to show up in the way that you want them to.
Your actions could show that you’re doing things with the expectation that you’ll get loved in return, instead of doing actions strictly from the heart. These “loving actions” could energetically be read as doing things out of fear or not being enough. If your energy is fearful or depleted, you could be repelling the healthy love that you want. Don’t negotiate love, queen. You’re worth the extra mile!
Instead of over-working yourself physically, emotionally, or financially to the next partner, pour all of that time and attention into yourself and only do things from the heart without an expectation.
When we give ourselves emotional support, practice self-compassion, and deal with our frustrating moments mindfully, it becomes easier to invite other people to love you similarly.
2. You haven’t resolved your past relationship pain.
Taking the time to work through all of your past relationship wounds is a crucial step in making room to attract the right man. One way you could work through this healing process is to find ways to deeply reflect on your past relationship trauma. I recommend practicing acceptance and peace for the past, identifying your role and behaviors that you had in past relationships, and work through forgiveness. This opens up the door to attract the right kind of love from a man.
But give yourself time. Recognize that you may not be ready for a relationship because you're still healing or that you still may be involved with the person you're trying to end things with are things that can block you from having new healthy love into your life.
3. You have a belief that you can’t have the love that you want.
This is a huge block because we attract what we believe. If there's a part of you that believes you can’t have an amazing relationship due to past relationships with family members or romantic partners, the Law of Attraction or the universe will aim to prove you right.
If you’re constantly attracted to men who are emotionally unavailable, non-committing, toxic, or with very little going for themselves, it’s no coincidence–at some point in your life, you’ve made up your mind that there’s nothing better out there.
Some ways that we block our love-blessings is by believing in the excuses and stories we tell ourselves. “Chile, I’m 40– it’s too late for me. I’m introverted, how can I meet Mr. Right? I need to lose 10 lbs before I can find the man of my dreams. All the good ones are taken. I’ll have to move to a different state to meet the right man. I’m divorced with 3 children, who will want to be a stepdad?”
Take a second look at those statements above and I bet you’ll find a friend or a colleague who can prove one of those (if not all of them) wrong.
Now granted, there are legit excuses like, “Nah sis, the Rona’s out there” or “I do need to take the time to love myself more so that I won’t get in an unhealthy relationship or give too much of myself to the next man.” I get it and I want to honor the challenging situations that come up.
However, you can still work on changing your overall belief system because no pandemic in history has ever lasted forever. So if online dating or wearing a mask-n-chill isn’t your thing, rest assured you can very much create a post-COVID dating plan.
Also, writing out that you deserve it and that you’re more than worthy of having this relationship is a powerful way to start working with your beliefs.
The good thing is you have the power to change these 3 blocks. When you change your energy, the way that people treat you has to (and will) change. To put some of these old and tired excuses behind you, I encourage you to spend 15 minutes writing out the way you want to be loved and valued. What does that look for you?
Psst! I’m teaching a Self-Love mini-course all about increasing your self-love and attracting a healthy relationship. And it’s FREE! Would you like to sign up? Click here to register for it!