Lately, finding the right person to share our lives is becoming more elusive than ever. The availability of apps and dating sites flooding the market make it harder to find the person we want to share our lives with. We become serial daters moving on quickly and hold each person to higher and higher standards the longer we are single. There is an overflow of information on the internet on how to be ‘ready’ for love and what you must to do prepare yourself for love to come into your life. But perhaps on a simpler level you embody the beliefs below that stop you from finding love. See if you can identify any of them that you are holding on to.
1. The person you are looking for doesn’t exist
You haven’t felt chemistry in over a year and you feel you are wasting your time. Being single for a long time can make it difficult to go on a date with someone without expecting to be disappointed. This leads to making judgements that quickly eliminate them as not your type.
He ordered tap water at the restaurant and took public transit; it must mean he’s broke. She did not offer to pay half the tab so she probably expects men to pay for all the dates. These assumptions about your date can lead you to quickly judge who they are and decide they are not right for you.
The negativity towards dating shows in your body language, your gestures and your attitude. When you believe dating sucks or that online dating is for only desperate people, others will notice it.
Reset your mind to develop a positive, self-aware attitude for dating. The quickest way to do this is to think about if you would want to date yourself and hang out with you?
Remember that the next person has nothing to do with the last person. Let go of your stereotypes and your urge to make quick judgements to keep an open mind. You might be surprised that they may not be the person you expected…but in a good way.
2. You believe rejection means you don’t have what it takes to be in a relationship
Everyone who has been rejected has experienced this doubt. But I will let you in on a secret: rejection is a good thing! ninety-nine percent of the people you date will not be the right person for you.
Rejection just simply means that the person who rejected you is not right for you.
Most people you go out with will not click with you and there will be many more where you just didn’t ‘feel’ it so you decided not to go with them again. It goes both ways. It’s the nature of dating.
Rejection feels personal because we are looking for love, acceptance, and a shared life with another person. It’s inevitable that we will feel this way about being turned down by someone we really liked but they did not feel the same way.
The best way to counteract this is to keep a positive attitude, be optimistic, and confident. Understand that if that person is not going out with you again then they are not meant to be your life partner. Knowing this will save you a lot of time and heartache in the future.
Time spend with the wrong person in the wrong relationship is less time spend with the person you were meant to be with.
3. You believe that when the time is right love will just appear
Meeting the right person at the right time without putting effort into it is rare. This is so rare that you will only consistently see this in Hollywood movies and in Disney cartoons.
For the ninety-nine percent of us this is not going to happen and if you are not devoting time to find a partner you cannot expect to find love. We want to lead a balanced life that includes time with friends and family and our hobbies in a fifty hour work week while making sure we get eight hours of sleep every night. At the same time we also want to share our lives with someone special. But where do we fit in the time to look for love?
If we don’t make time to look for love we need to think about whether it’s a priority for us right now. If it is we need to make it part of our life. Schedule time to attend to your online profile, participate in various social events, and make an effort to meet new people.
Going on a date only once every several months is not really giving yourself a chance at finding love. If you want to spend your life with someone special you need to make room in your schedule to find them because love will not walk right up to you if you’re not looking for it.
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