The Truth About Dating a Cougar

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The definition of a cougar is…

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Let’s throw out our definition of what a cougar is and be real.

If you have ever thought about dating an older woman (and who hasn’t?), you’re probably familiar with the way the fantasy of cougar dating plays out. A glamorous cougar type like Demi Moore inhabits the role of sex kitten and personal bank account for a naïve and excitable young man with model good looks. The two share sex, but not a much more. Sometimes it happens this way, but this is the exception, not the rule.

Even the best advice blogs fall prey to a few common fallacies. If you want to know what dating a cougar is like for real, you need a little help knowing the fact from the fiction:

Myth #1: It’s just a trend

Media coverage of celebrity cougar dating has made it fashionable and in vogue, but it really is nothing new. Many historical icons were cougars: Elizabeth I, Cleopatra – even Shakespeare was a medieval toyboy! Research suggests that ever increasing gender equality is reversing the trend of older man/younger woman relationships. Women don’t need men for money anymore; they can date based on whatever they choose and more and more often they’re choosing younger men.

Myth #2: It’s about women dominating men

Older women are strong-minded and can be forward in how they deal with what they want. This can lead to them being seen as the ‘dominant’ force in a relationship, but that doesn’t mean men should shy away from challenging them and bringing in their own thoughts and ideas to the mix.

Remember: It’s not a dictatorship…not unless that’s what you agree on. 

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Myth #3: You can spot a cougar by her short skirts

Cougars are visible a mile away due to their bleach blonde locks, heavy makeup, and barely covered bodies…right? C’mon now.

Some ladies do enjoy dressing in what could be perceived as a more youthful way, normally because they haven’t yet gotten to the stage where dressing means picking up whatever is most comfortable and off the sales rack at M&S. It’s not because they are tarty or chasing a second youth; it’s because they know the impact that looking good has on feeling good. Be aware: That might mean she expects you to care about looking good too, but that doesn’t mean flashing your abs around.

Myth #4: It’s just about sex and it will never last

A common opinion is that this type of relationship just won’t last, and that is often true…but that’s true of all relationships, regardless of how conventional they are. If sex is what you’re looking for, and sex is what she’s looking for, then sex is all that’s on the menu. However, it doesn’t mean that it's the only way older women and younger men can connect. Knowing this niche personally and professionally, I can say categorically that this is a lie. Older women and younger men frequently get married, have children, and live full lives together.

The truth:

Our expectations of cougars are normally made either by men with an over-fetishized view of older women or by other women who can feel angered and threatened by them. It’s hard too not to be influenced by all the tabloids looking to excite their readership with the latest defamatory headline of ‘surgically-enhanced cougar swaps husband for money-hungry toyboy.' The truth is that if you approach your new relationship expecting a one-dimensional ‘cougar’ character, your adventure into the world of older women will be short-lived.

Without a doubt, the best way to understand cougar dating is to have an open-mind and get yourself out there. So what are you waiting for?

Author Profile

Lucy is a member of Team Toyboy Warehouse. She’s on a mission to challenge old and obselete views about dating and empower people to go after what they really want. Check out more blogs from her about dating at

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  1. Do you know what percentage of 40-something ladies aggressively pursue sexual relations with men in their 20’s or 30’s right here in Atlanta? You’d be surprised. Surely I enjoy younger men’s attention but I wouldn’t dare to date someone so painfully young that I could have given birth to him. I actually avoid dating someone much younger than me as I don’t want a toyboy, luckily I met a great, successful, educated, well-experienced man who really knows the best way to treat and dine and wine his woman right. To those toyboys I’d say “Focus on getting strong, matured and financially stable to provide yourselves with the security you so desire, dating a cougar is not a permanent thing”.

  2. I am 46 years old and my last date he was 22. I just love it! And research shows that men are picking sexually between 20-30 years and women between 40-50 years – so that as a woman to be a cougar and want to have younger men have so much prerequisites to being a perfect match! And of course, it’s about mutual attraction when you’re dating, something else would be unthinkable!

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