Yep, I'm back to deliver another in my series of dickish behavior; another chapter in my journey of evolution from bottom feeding microbial scum sucker to the festering cold-hearted jerk that I am today…
It seems like only yesterday when I was trying to juggle four women at once; dating was a chore and a spendy one at that.
I needed to date less women… Yet that thought was flawed. Flawed because I knew none of these women were right for me. I had slept with three of the four. So I wasn't hurting in that respect. My female friends looked down upon me, banning me from bringing my “hoes” to social functions… My wallet was ready to put a full stop on my hyperactive dating ways as well…
Something had to give.
So, the Urban Dater, why not ditch these chicks anyway, you ask. Well, because I was a pussy, dear reader. Plain and simple. I was afraid to have that talk, so I continued en route to critical mass.
Mercifully, one gal, Tina, broke things off with me, she found another fish. The others though were smitten with me, against all odd. They had to be dealt with.
Amber had no car, shared an apartment with a random street bum. Carla was recently removed from an eight year relationship with another woman and Nadia just lived too damn far away and hated my taste in music and made me feel like an asshole for sneering Ricky Martin.
One night, I was sitting down watching the Devil Wears Prada on TV (don't you judge me!) And I knew what I needed to do, break up with these women. I got my phone and began texting one of them to see if she was free to talk. Then my mind said, with a sudden ray of clarity, “well what's wrong with sending a text to all of them?”
The text message reads: “hey you, been thinking a lot and I don't think this is gonna work for me. Thanks for everything wishing u the best.”
Two of the text replies were uniform run of the mill “Go f*ck yourself!” Or “I can't believe I wasted my vag' on YOU!!! FML!!” The one I got from Carla was sweet, I think… “It was nice dating you, thanks for the text, switching back to women.” Nice.
Stay tuned for more tales from the asshole-a-verse.