• About
  • Connect
  • Services
  • Advertise
  • Urban Dater on Twitter
  • Urban Dater on Facebook
  • Subscribe to the Urban Dater RSS Feed
  • Urban Dater on Instagram
Explore Close
Menu Close

Categories

Dating & RelationshipsOnline DatingTips & AdviceRelationshipsFor MenAsidesSelfSexFor WomenOpinionDates & DetailsFeaturedUncategorizedDate IdeasSpecialAdvertDating SitesQuestions and AnswersFashionNews

Tags

DatingRelationshipsOnline DatingSexloveadvicedating advicerelationshipdating tipssinglefirst datewomenrelationship adviceromancevalentines dayFor WomendatesFor Menmenobservations

Archives

January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019
  • Online Dating
    • Dating Apps
    • Dates & Details
    • For Women
    • For Men
  • Dating & Relationships
    • Fashion
    • Opinion
    • Self
    • Tips & Advice
  • Ask the Urban Dater
  • Sex
    • Adult Dating
    • BDSM
    • Better Sex
    • LGBTQ
    • Love
    • Sexting
  • Write for Us!
  • About
  • Connect
  • Services
  • Advertise
  • Urban Dater on Twitter
  • Urban Dater on Facebook
  • Subscribe to the Urban Dater RSS Feed
  • Urban Dater on Instagram

the Urban Dater

A Blog About Online Dating, Relationships & Sex

  • Online Dating
    • Dating Apps
    • Dates & Details
    • For Women
    • For Men
  • Dating & Relationships
    • Fashion
    • Opinion
    • Self
    • Tips & Advice
  • Ask the Urban Dater
  • Sex
    • Adult Dating
    • BDSM
    • Better Sex
    • LGBTQ
    • Love
    • Sexting
  • Write for Us!
Close
NextAffordable Hot Tub Romance? You Bet.
  • Explore
  • Menu
  • Menu
Dating & Relationships

5 Things You NEED To Talk About Before Getting Engaged

Alex_Johnson on August 3, 2013
Share This Article
Facebook5Tweet0Pin0

proposal

Getting engaged is exciting, and it should be one of the happiest times of your life. But before you start planning the guest list and deciding on a colour scheme, there are a few things that every sane couple really needs to talk about before the engagement is official; and no, we don’t mean the size of the diamond or the venue for the engagement party!

Children

It’s the big one – and this applies to all couples planning on tying the knot. Be honest – how do you really feel about kids? Maybe this is a second wedding and one of you (or both of you) already has children. Do you agree on whether you want to add to your family?

What will you do if one or both of you finds out that you can’t have children – even though you both want a family? What are your views on IVF, adoption and surrogacy?

What are your feelings about discipline for the existing children you might have and any that you might have in the future? Will your new partner be expected to help keep his or her step-children in line, or will that remain your responsibility?

Family

If you love to spend time with your nearest and dearest, but your other half only speaks to his family at Christmas, he might resent you wanting to spend quality time visiting your folks at the weekend because he doesn’t understand how much family means to you.

Family is also important if for any reason one or other family disapproves of or doesn’t get along with your intended. There’s no getting away from the fact that if your parents don’t like your spouse, life can be difficult. So if you’re making the decision to spend your lives together, it’s worth just one last shot to try to encourage them all to get along. Try to organise a get-together and negotiate a truce.

If that’s just not going to happen, ask yourself how you’ll feel if your relationship causes a rift between you and your family, or his? Can you really deal with that?

Where you’ll live

If you’re not living together already, you’ll probably want to start looking for somewhere to live once you’re engaged. Sit down and discuss all your options. Do you have a deposit for a house, or are you going to have to rent for a while? Will you live near one or both families, or spread your wings?

If you’re buying, do you agree on the type of property you want? There’s going to be a problem if one of you wants a loft apartment but the other can’t bear the thought of living in an apartment block. Or if one of you wants an old, character home to renovate but the other is DIY-phobic and just wants to move in with the Magnolia paint and get on with it. Or if one of you is a town person and the other a country person. And so on…

Chores

If you both work full time, it seems pretty straightforward that the domestic chores are shared. So why is it that women always seem to end up wielding the iron or vacuum cleaner?

This one is especially important if one of you comes from a family in which they didn’t have to lift a finger, and being expected to make a bed or do the laundry is a big surprise! Sort out the division of labor before the wedding is booked and you’ll have a lot less to argue about by the time you get to your first anniversary!

Money

A study carried out by Utah State University revealed that the more often couples argued about money issues, the more likely they were to get divorced, especially if the rows happened on a weekly or daily basis.

It’s a no-brainer really. Attitudes to money are ingrained in us from a young age, and although it might seem cute that your beloved spends too much on shoes when you’re dating, once you’ve pooled your finances and it’s YOUR money that’s being frittered away too, things can get awkward.

Will you have a joint account with everything in, or perhaps keep separate accounts and just pay into a joint bills account? Will you both save, or have a joint credit card? What are your attitudes to debt, and does your intended already have debts?

Talking all these issues through before you make any commitments will go a long way to making sure your marriage is as harmonious as possible. What essential topics would you add to this list? Let us know in the comments below!

Image via Sevitz

 

Signup for Our Newsletter

Get Us in Your Inbox!

Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox…
Follow @theurbandater



Share This Article
Facebook5Tweet0Pin0
  • Posted in: Dating & Relationships

Posted by Alex_Johnson

Alexandra James is a blogger on lifestyle and relationship issues.

All Posts
Show comments Hide comments

One Comment

  1. Kristine August 22, 2013 at 2:12 pm

    Very good advice indeed! It’s amazing how many couples don’t even talk about some of this until they have tied the knot.

    Reply

Leave a reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Popular

  • 8 Things to Say to Your Ex Who You Still Love
  • A Girl doesn’t Text Back – Use These Texts Instead Of leaving Her Alone
  • What to Say to a Girl You Just Met
  • Men Who Give You Their Number Instead of Taking Yours. ~ Group Post.
  • 7 Tips on How to Give Your Partner Great Phone Sex
  • 3 Questions To Ask Yourself After 3 Months of Dating
  • Why Does He Want to be Friends if He Doesn’t Want to Date You?
  • How to Scratch Someone’s back
  • Seven Things You Should Be Looking For By The Fifth Date
  • Letters to Lovers Lost

Signup for Our Newsletter

Online Dating, Sex and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox...
Follow @theurbandater

Previous
Affordable Hot Tub Romance? You Bet.
August 3, 2013
Next
Why Knowing About Kim and Kanye Will Help Your Dating Life
August 4, 2013

Let’s Socialize

  • Urban Dater on Twitter
  • Urban Dater on Facebook
  • Subscribe to the Urban Dater RSS Feed
  • Urban Dater on Instagram

General Bullshit

  • About
  • Disclosure Statement
  • Legal
  • Guest Posting
  • Terms and Conditions for Contributors

Archives by Month

© 2021 the Urban Dater by DigiSavvy, Inc. — Proudly Hosted on WP Engine —
  • Urban Dater on Twitter
  • Urban Dater on Facebook
  • Subscribe to the Urban Dater RSS Feed
  • Urban Dater on Instagram
Dating & Relationships

5 Things You NEED To Talk About Before Getting Engaged

by Alex_Johnson time to read: 3 min
Dating & Relationships Why Knowing About Kim and Kanye Will Help Your Dat…
Dating & Relationships The Allure of Mystery
1