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Tell Me What You Want

What do you want? A Marilyn or a Jackie?

I take a writing class once a week in Hollywood. One afternoon one of the single guys started talking about what he wanted in a girlfriend. This guy fancies himself as a Don Draper-esque type of guy. I was intrigued. Had I found the modern day Don Draper? He said he wants a girl who would “call him on his shit,” smart, likes to argue and knows how to do conventional women’s things. (I didn’t take that in a derogatory manner because I am like a grandma, I cook, knit and bake.) ‘He just described me,’ I thought. So, I went about being myself, because apparently I found someone who can actually handle all of this.
This is how the cookie crumbled:

• I called him on his “sh*t” and I bet he wished he had let that call go to voicemail. Someone is a wee bitdefensive and overly sensitive and that person isn’t the one with boobs.

• He tried to argue with me and when I proved that I knew my stuff and wouldn’t back down he acted like a cartoon dog with it’s tail tucked between it’s legs.

• We then had a discussion about dating. He said waits until the EIGTH date to kiss a girl. Eight! What is this 1901? I’m not easy but eight is a little prudish. He explained, “Yea, I wait eight dates because when a girl kisses me, she has to sleep with me, she can’t control herself.” I just about died laughing and told him, “I dare you to kiss me. I promise you I won’t sleep with you, I promise you.” Clearly he was just spitting mad game because he didn’t even try to prove his theory.

• Once he got to deal with what he thought he wanted he didn’t know how to handle it. He gave me a hard time for dating older men and I told him one of the reasons I do is because they are the only kind of men that I have found that are assertive/aggressive enough to deal with me. The guy in my class is my age and should have said, “Well let me prove you wrong.” Instead, he got all flustered and shut up.

The bottom line is, men, don’t misrepresent what you want. It is a waste of everyone’s time. If you want a slut who will yes you to death to make you (unjustifiably) feel like a god, then just say so. The lady on the street/whore in the bedroom thing is getting old as well, those girls are clearly bipolar. As for me, when I say I want someone who is confident, I don’t really mean I want a push over. (As a girl who is very assertive, steam rolling over another guy to prove that I am better than him has lost it’s appeal.) And please, don’t tell me you are Don Draper…D.D. had more game at 13 with zits then you do now, son.

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  1. hehe looks like this guy was lacking a self-confidence… and he was trying to be someone who is not…

    eh fucking phony mother…

  2. Hilarious and I 110% agree!! Dating is hard enough, stop fooling yourself and the women around you with BS qualifications that you clearly don't want. Thanks for writing :}

  3. Ha! He is either gay (c'mon…8 date rule??) or has never been on an actual date in his life. I think he's been watching too much TV or maybe he picked up a copy of that pick-up book "The Game"…

  4. "I dare you to kiss me. I promise you I won’t sleep with you, I promise you."

    Reminds me of that Seinfeld episode where that girl thinks George is gay and he says, "Do you want to have sex right now?!"

    Seriously, though, that really bruises the ego when a girl assures that she won't have sex with you.

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