Are Divorced Dads Prime Dating Prospects or Damaged Goods?

Ques­tion: I’ve read lots of your blogs + am curi­ous: what’s the ladies’ take on divorcee dads? Are we good prospects or dam­aged goods?

Answer: In terms of divorcee dads being good prospects vs. dam­aged goods I’m not quite sure it’s that eas­ily defin­able. Any­one that has been in a seri­ous rela­tion­ship can be con­sid­ered dam­aged goods. Regard­less of mar­i­tal sta­tus we all bring bag­gage to the table. The trick is to learn from your past expe­ri­ences and move on. As far as good prospects well, from a sin­gle gal’s point of view, you know that he isn’t com­mit­ment pho­bic and will more than likely be look­ing for a rela­tion­ship more sub­stan­tial than a one night stand. Of course, there are always excep­tions to this rule but you know that he’s com­mit­ted once before so it is entirely pos­si­ble that he will be up to doing it again. Maybe not right away but that’s prob­a­bly for the best.

In a per­fect world I would meet, fall in love with and marry a man that has no ex-​​girlfriends, ex-​​wives or even chil­dren. In a per­fect world. But this isn’t a per­fect world and far from it. As I get older (now hav­ing entered the won­der­fully hor­ri­ble 30’s) my pool of men that haven’t been mar­ried or don’t have chil­dren get’s smaller and smaller. When I was younger it was entirely pos­si­ble that my cri­te­ria of dat­ing men with­out chil­dren or ex-​​wives could be met. How­ever, that’s just not real­is­tic any­more. So I’ve had to make accom­mo­da­tions for the fact that I can no longer expect to be num­ber one in the mind of a man with chil­dren. Sure, this both­ers me to an extent but then again, would I really want to be with a man that didn’t hold his chil­dren in such high regard?

As a child, I came from a divorced fam­ily and I have the utmost respect for my father who refused to switch week­ends or date women that didn’t accept that his daugh­ters came first. Any man can father a child; it takes a true man to be a dad. With that said, I must now look at this from the stand point of a sin­gle woman in regards to dat­ing a man with kids. I’ve dated men in the past that did have chil­dren but things never became seri­ous enough that them hav­ing chil­dren became an issue. Until recently.

There is a man that I’ve been see­ing, not seri­ously (at least not on my end) for a few months. Being as he just got out of a 15 year mar­riage I assumed I was more than likely a rebound or that he had no desire to get too seri­ous too fast. I may have been wrong. This gen­tle­man has four daugh­ters. Let’s count them…one, two, three, four daugh­ters! Rang­ing in age from four to four­teen years old. I’m sure the idea of their daddy dat­ing is prob­a­bly not one they even care to enter­tain. Not to men­tion, being the new woman in the house, those lit­tle girls would eat me alive! One against four? The odds are most cer­tainly NOT in my favor in this instance. I just have images of Par­ent Trap run­ning through my head and I’m not amused in the slightest.

BUT…

It’s not even the lit­tle girls that bother me so much about dat­ing this man. What both­ers me is that when refer­ring to meet­ing his “babies” and our pos­si­ble future together I want to run for the hills. And fast. Not only am I not ready to become an insta-​​mom to four lit­tle girls, I don’t appre­ci­ate the fact that “daddy” is assum­ing I want to jump right in and take on that respon­si­bil­ity. Another thing I’m not par­tic­u­larly fond of is the fact that he has not once shown inter­est in the idea that I myself would like to still have chil­dren
of my own one day. For me, I’m get­ting the clear impres­sion that he’s look­ing for a woman to come in and replace the misses with very lit­tle con­cern for what my inten­tions or dreams may be. I can pretty much let you know now that this rela­tion­ship will not last.

Another draw­back to dat­ing men with chil­dren is the baby mama. I guar­an­tee you that more than likely there will be some sort of piss­ing con­test when it comes to issues over the kids. I’ve seen it, I’ve wit­nessed it and this rea­son alone will keep many women from pur­su­ing rela­tion­ships with men that have chil­dren. Vin­dic­tive ex-​​wives that will stop at noth­ing to ruin the cur­rent rela­tion­ship you are try­ing to engage in. So, if you are a divorced man that has met a woman will­ing to put up with the baby mama drama then hold tight to her
because that is a sit­u­a­tion a lot of women will not inten­tion­ally put them­selves in.

So, in answer to the above men­tioned ques­tion. Divorcee dads? Sure, why not? Just under­stand and respect that it may not be easy for all women to jump right in and accept every­thing at face value. And hon­estly, some women won’t enter it at all and you have to be accept­ing of this as well. Just as you want for the new lady in your life to under­stand that you have chil­dren and cer­tain respon­si­bil­i­ties you must under­stand that she may not. And again, I’m speak­ing from the point of view of a sin­gle woman with­out any chil­dren. Hell, I don’t even have a cat.

I have accepted that my chances of meet­ing and becom­ing seri­ously involved with a man with kids are high. I’ve also come to terms that there may be rocky roads ahead and I’m ok with that. I won’t enter into a sit­u­a­tion like that blindly though.

My own per­sonal pref­er­ence is that I am will­ing to let men into my life that have chil­dren. But I refuse to let my own hopes and dreams of being a mother to my own bio­log­i­cal chil­dren go by the way­side because the man I’m dat­ing has already been there and done that. That’s just not fair to me. But, as long as both par­ties involved are open and hon­est about where things might lead, I don’t see any rea­son why divorced peo­ple with chil­dren can’t find lov­ing and ful­fill­ing rela­tion­ships with those that don’t. Just remem­ber, there are always two sides and rela­tion­ships are about com­pro­mise, com­pas­sion, under­stand­ing and give and take.

Related posts:

1. Dat­ing Younger Men: Hot Trend or Plain Trashy?
2. Dat­ing Tips & Quips.