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A Good Date Question and Breaking it Down.

The Urban Dater

Sure. You know that flowing conversation on a date is important; critical really, but what do we use to keep conversation flowing?  Questions!  I know, I know.  You already know this, I've written some stuff on this and I'm not going to say anymore on the topic.  Today, while have lunch with a friend she had brought up a question she always asks on a date: “What is your most favorite possession and why.”  An interesting question to be sure.  After sitting down and thinking about it and discussing our answers with one another, we analyzed each others' responses…@kerbehr's answer was an old set of family bibles dating back to the 19th century as being among her most treasured possessions.  Very intriguing.  So in thinking about this and pretending that I've never met this person before, what conclusions could I draw from this revelation?

Before we cover my thoughts, let's examine the question posed.  To get to know someone a lot better.  I think it's a good question, because it throws off the majority of people who just aren't ready for a seemingly innocuous personal question.  Yet it's not TOO personal.

I can tell from @kerbehr's answer that she values her family history and where she came from; where her ancestor's roots originated.  This girl appreciates history.  Maybe she's an explorer, maybe she's traveled.  Perhaps.  I would also make the assumption that she would appreciate these things in someone else, too.

I'd probably refrain from religious jokes right off the bat, of course.  I don't want to get punched in the neck, after all!  In general, though, unless you know the person well, you should probably refrain from religious, weird or really personal jokes… I've been maced enough to know better.

@kerbehr here… So, after I answered @theurbandater's question about what my favorite items in my place are, he returned the favor.  His response was two-fold:  1) (without hesitation) “my Linux server” and 2) (also, little, if any hesitation) a photo of my grandparents, all dressed up and looking snazzy (my word, not his!).

So, as he did, I pretended I did not know this person.  I might speculate that 1) he is a computer “geek” of sorts.  Not that it's a bad thing (hey, I hold a EE degree – who am I to judge!!) , but he clearly enjoys his network-enabled tools.  It may mean that he's “social” in the on-line way – and perhaps not as much IRL (in real life), that he's just very tech savvy – either for business or personal reasons, or that he enjoys computer “toys”, and enjoys enabling others to use them as well.  I might also speculate that 2) he  is rooted in family, enjoys the historical aspect of family, or has a special connection to his grandparents.

Who knows if my interpretation of his response is even remotely correct, but I think that's the beauty of this question.  It triggers a dialogue about semi-personal information without being intrusive.  It offers insight without being offensive.  I think both @theurbandater and I would love to hear your thoughts on the subject, and your responses to the question:  What is your favorite item in your place?

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5 Comments

  1. I think it's an excellent question, however instead of focusing on what the other person answers, more emphasis should be given on why the person picked what they picked. So, if someone said their laptop, you could assume they were a geek, but if they said because that's what they use to skype to their family far away, then you may conclude that they are close to their family.. either way I think it's a great first/second date question..
    .-= Miss OverThinker´s last blog ..slippery slope aka relationship anxiety =-.

  2. That is an interesting question, and after much pause I'd have to say it's two fold.

    Not that he's a possession, but first I'd say my dog, because he's well…mans best friend of course.

    Secondly, probably my computer, because without it I'd be totally lost & disconnected from the world.

    Good post though, makes you think about what's important in your life.

  3. My answer to someone I would like to date again: "My family photo albums."

    My answer to someone I do not want to date again: "My Mother's middle school cheerleading photo album." If that backfires, my plan B answer is: "My collection of first date scalps."

    If neither works, I call my friend in Vegas because this is the woman for him.
    .-= Kevin´s last blog ..Happy Hallmark and Restaurant Day! =-.

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