Romantic Comedies Killed the Relationship

If you're a novice to the dating scene, chances are your idea of a good first date is dinner and a movie. But let me warn you fellas, taking a girl to see a romantic comedy might seem like a good idea t the time, but trust me, it's a trap. RomComs will be the downfall of your love life.

Let me explain. When a woman watches a romantic comedy, she doesn't see what you see. She doesn't see actors who went through hours of hair and makeup performing pre-written lines for movie cameras. What she sees is a future. She sees you sweeping her off her feet the way Ryan Gosling is doing it on the big screen, and once that bar is set, there's no bringing it back down to a more realistic height. It'll be up there forever.

As soon as the movie starts, her expectations are going to soar, starting with the comparison of the meet cute. What's a meet cute, you ask? Well, it's exactly what it sounds like: A cute way for two people to meet. RomComs never have a normal meeting. They didn't meet in a coffee shop or through online dating or by getting set up by friends or however you two met. They meet while the guy is stitching orphaned burn victims at his job as a doctor in a third world war zone. When she realizes you a) didn't have a meet cute and b) aren't a heroic doctor who saves children on a daily basis, she's going to be disappointed in you before the relationship even starts.

And the abs! Did you know your six pack are supposed to be flexed all the time? If you don't have abs, you might as well be the town drunk. You'll never watch a RomCom with a guy that looks like you staring in it (no offense, bud). These guys are the reason *Nsync wrote God Must Have Spent A Little More Time On You. I'm not gay (not that there's anything wrong with that), but I'm fully confident JC Chaze is thinking about Hugh Grant when he sings that song. Sure you might have put on your nicest sweater vest and brushed your teeth for an extra few seconds, but when you're being compared to Gerard Butler's 300 body, you're going to look like Steve Buscemi.

I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. Let's say you are as handsome as Brad Pitt. Congratulations on that! But what are the chances you're as good in bed as any one of his characters? Do you have an orchestra playing you custom violin music which comes to a great crescendo just as you both climax at the same time, which happens to be a perfect balance of appropriate sex length and not long enough for you to be sweaty? No? Oh… Well did you at least have a $700-a-night hotel room that looked out onto the skyline of the beautiful city you've taken her to for the weekend? What do you mean you're doing it in your bedroom?! No characters in the history of cinema have ever had great sex in their own bedroom.

Let's face it fellas, that romantic gesture you think you're doing by taking your girl to see the new Justin Timberlake chick flick is actually slowly killing your sex life. Do yourself a favor and stay away from RomComs!