Has your love life been a bumpy road filled with detours, roadblocks, and dead ends? If you never have a deep relationship that lasts, you may think everyone else is to blame. The right person just hasn't come along yet. Think again.
If you find something wrong with every date or you sabotage your relationships before they truly take off, you could be pointing your finger in the wrong direction. You may be the problem.
Your Anxiety Can be Your Downfall
According to marriage and family therapist Shelly Bullard, your insecurities could be to blame for the failure of your relationships. Your anxiety about finding love can be felt by prospective partners. Your doubts about the ability to make a relationship work can lead you to failure. Think of it as a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you believe you will never find true love, you are likely to prove that it is true.
You Need to Accept Yourself
If your relationships have failed in the past, you may need to get out of your own way.
According to Dr. Juliana Breines, you need to accept who you are. When you come to terms with your faults and your strong points, you will gain acceptance. In turn, you will be able to accept love from others. See yourself through the eyes of someone who adores you. You'll be able to have a new perspective on the good qualities that are inside of you, making you feel worthwhile.
Your Expectations Are Unreasonable
Whether you are searching for a soulmate or simply want to take a step in the right direction, think about your expectations in a partner. Are you setting the bar too high? You aren't perfect. Why should you expect your date to be on a pedestal that outshines everyone else? You don't have to sacrifice your morals when you are looking for a love interest. Just be realistic. Remember that potential dates are human too.
Don't Judge a Book by its Cover
We all have fantasies about an ideal match. Books, magazines, television, and movies give us plenty of examples of attractive people. Don't shut the door on someone who may not have conventional beauty. A person's inner qualities are much more important than their looks.
You Have Trust Issues
Trust is the foundation of a strong relationship. It has to be mutual, not a one-way street. Calvin Rosser, a motivational speaker, and writer realized his failed relationships were rooted in broken trust in his past. A middle school sweetheart broke his heart. He carried the weight of her betrayal for many years. He couldn't trust new women in his life because of the way a young love hurt him.
Many of us have shared the same experience. The main thing you need to remember is you can't assume everyone is going to cheat or pass you up for someone else. If you love someone and that love is returned, you have to put faith in your partner.
Good Communication is a Must
You need to express your feelings clearly with a potential partner. No one can read your mind. If you don't like something, say so in a tactful way. Be honest. Tell the one you love what is most important to you. Be a good listener as well. Your partner needs to be able to speak his or her mind as well. When you open the door to your heart, you'll be surprised at all the good things that can come your way.
You Have to Make Good Choices
All too often, people are drawn to someone who is not a good match. Think of all those bad boys and bag girls that are in popular culture. You may find yourself always trying to rescue a partner in trouble. Your dates could have unhealthy habits. You need to steer clear of anyone who is going to send you into an emotional trainwreck.
You Need to be Willing to Try New Things
If you are close-minded and only want to pursue your own interests, you are limiting your choice in dates. You're also closing yourself to endless possibilities. Partners with a healthy relationship are willing to give new things a chance.
If your date wants to go mountain climbing and you have always stayed on the ground, compromise with a hike. Find someone who is willing to take a ride on your motorcycle for the first time. Try taking turns when it comes to choosing what you will do on a date, what to eat, or where to go for a getaway. If you respect each other's passions, you will broaden your horizons.
Love is about chemistry and finding the right person at the right time. It's also about looking at who you are and any barriers you have created. Knock those walls down and let love find its way in.
If your relationships have always been doomed to failure, you could be to blame. You need to look at yourself. Acceptance is a start. Learning from past mistakes can help you to move forward.