How Do I Deal With Silence? Why I Use the A.L.E.X. System!
I have it on good authority that there is a “Silence” fan page on Facebook. I’m definitely not a fan of it. Sure, sure I could be a fan of it if only to tell me people in the style of “the Rock” to know their role and shut their hole. It makes sense to me anyway.
Silence is a tool of the truly spiteful; the masters of passive aggressive behavior. Even though I’ve been prone to passive aggressive behavior I don’t use the silent treatment… I tend to be more vocal about my misgivings, whatever they may be at the time. However, silence gets me every time.
I’ll tell you a little secret: I hate silence. I hate it when people give me the silent treatment. It drives me bat-shit crazy. I’m not alone here, I realize, but dammit! If you want me to go all nutters on you, don’t talk to me, write me or text me. Have a fantastic time with me one night and then don’t speak to me afterward. I will pull out my own damned hair and start upper cutting people in the stomach!
Why am I telling you this? I suppose I’m telling all the people that have given me the silent treatment over the years (even if I deserved it which is almost always…) f*ck you! I mean that in the nicest possible way, of course… No, actually I don’t; I lied. Forgive me.
Silence induces insecurity in even the most secure people. It’s something that I cannot tolerate, even though I’ve tried very hard to be understanding in many cases through the years. I just don’t like it one ounce.
How does one deal with silence? In the vane of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia’s D.E.N.N.I.S. System, let me introduce you to the A.L.E.X. System:
- Aggressively pursue, harass, poke, prod, shake and kick until this silent provocateur has been forced to scream for help! That is, be aggressive, be be AGGRESSIVE! I keep hounding people until the break or become furious. Give me something to work with; anything! I’d rather be called a turd or a nerf herder than nothing at all!
- Laywaste to those who deny you your verbal and emotional access and stomp them silly while making them feel like an asshole, even though you may be at fault! Yes, I said “lay waste,” dammit!
- Eviscerate the silence with your loud and booming voice or by showing up to the offender’s residence at an all too early hour of the morning, pull out your old school boom box and start blaring the Glee Season One Soundtrack or something else equally offensive. 😉
- eXonerate your enemy from their silent treatment crimes, begin the peace process and demand reparations for their insolence and inconsiderate ways! Or something like that…
Anyway, if you don't agree that silence is a good way to deal with a problem, just see what these people from Twitter had to say:
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the silent treatment is often a woman's greatest weapon. "brave men tell the truth. a woman holds her tongue knowing silence will speak for her." my mother taught me at a young age that no response can often times be the best response. when my ex of a decade dumped me he cut the communication off completely. zero. zilch. it. made. me. crazy. the silence was deafening. but it was also clear, "i have nothing to say to you anymore." you're right silence can rattle the most secure person, because it invites doubt. it forces a person to draw their own conclusions & most of the time those conclusions are the worst case scenario. i always have too much to say & can't get it all out in a succinct manner when it comes to my feelings. so i sometimes take the silence route. instead of trying to convey everything my heart is feeling i cut the person off so i can start the healing process. but then there are matters that NEED to be discussed even if there is no solution. it just takes time to figure out which ones are important enough to warrant long talks & which are not worth wasting your breath.
I suppose it comes as no surprise that I don't like this answer because it offers little in the way of me being right.
I'm a solutions guy. Thus I like to get things over and done with and force the issue; I'm always forcing the issue. Aggression is the foremost important aspect to the A.L.E.X system.
Taylor, I think you said it all!
Seriously though, urbandater, it is telling to allow people to let their own words dangle in the air. Just let them sit with themselves. I'm at fault for being silent at times. I just figure it makes up for all the times I won't shut up.
P.S. I can call you 'nerf herder' if you beg nicely 😉
"I just figure it makes up for all the times I won't shut up."
I'm not saying a damn thing, here. You said it all! 😉
Pfft Beg!? ME??? You obviously don't know who you're talking to. But yes, pretty, pretty please with a cherry on top!
sometimes i don't say anything because I'm trying to figure out how to communicate what I'm feeling. I don't want to be the batshit crazy girl. So, then I get silent. It's not passive-aggressive…I think it's more about being thoughtful about my approach. But then, I hate it when someone gives ME the silent treatment. I just assume the worst.
I get what you're saying. I guess I just see people using the tactic as a device to get drive home a point; it's used as a weapon of emotional whoopin'. Sigh. But I would concede that being able to collect your thoughts is also a solid reason for maintaining silence.