Hollywood Sex Wars Review | the Urban Dater

I like Hollywood Sex Wars — Get laid, or get paid. I thought the two were mutually inclusive... Am I wrong?

With the Urban Dater, we're often presented with interesting opportunities and sometimes freebies. Like a free Brazilian Waxing! Or laser hair removal kits. Well, this time, we got to see a movie on the cheap. A premiere screening, at that, sans red carpet.

Hollywood Sex Wars opens up with “Men are trying laid and women be tryin' to get paid…” That pretty much sets the tone for the rest of the film. Paul Sapiano writes and directs this film, which I'm sure is destined to be a cult favorite amongst… Dudes. No lie. Well, and Lesbians and bi-sexual sorts as well.

To Get Paid or to Get Laid. That's the Question… Right?

The movie essentially covers the pathetic sexual lives of Max, Aaron and Glen and how they've become sick of hooking up with trashy women… Which is funny, since these guys are trashy, too. It gets into their head to hit up Mr. Game himself, Johnny Eyelash. No, no. While I did say “Game” this guy is not about “Game” nor is he representative of the Manosphere. He's just there to be the Mr. Miyagi of Poon; master of the 9 inch pussy punch of death, if you will.

With our three pathetic limp dicks under the tutelage of one Mr. Eyelash (what kind of fucking name is that anyway?) they set out upon the hot and sexually promiscuous ladies of Hollywood. Of course there's a training montage. You gotta have one of those! However, being cunning linguists is not enough of our heroic cheese-dicks. The women, too, have organized. Assembling a douche bag database to help warn the sisters in their party. Yes, there IS an app for that, according to this movie. Its not long before the girls, led by Big Wendy (Jenae Alt) and Little Wendy (Eli Jane) pick up on Johnny's tactics and Hollywood becomes one big booby trap.

The thing that sticks out most for me, other than some of the bulges I saw at the screening was the copious use of the titty. From the opening scene all the way through to the mismatched boob-job mishap. Were there anymore flesh revealed, I'd have just gone to the store and purchased Face Jam, or the all-time classic Edward Penis Hands. Titty is good for the soul, like chicken noodle soup on a cold winter evening… So is are warm breasts in your face, but I digress…

Is it worth seeing? Meh. Your money might better spent on a handy from a gal who lubes you up with Lava Pumice, but it couldn't hurt. You've seen worse cinema, so give it a go. Visit their Facebook page or follow em on the Twitter.

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