The Myth of Dating Out of Your League

An expression used when a girl is just too hot for you and you have absolutely no chance with her.

Dude don't even try it, she's way out of your league. — The Urban Dictionary

“The League” is not only an awesome TV show but also this taxonomy we dreamed up to properly categorize social outcasts who are hopeless and sex-challenged.

I'm going to say it right now: It's all in your head!

While many would have you believe that you need to figure out what your “league” is, I just don't buy it. In life, it's a given that some people will like you and some people will not.

I remember, many moons ago, when I worked at a record store. I joked around with all my customers. Mostly, they seemed to enjoy my humor and that was great, it made my day go by quicker and made something mundane more entertaining for everybody. That wasn't the case for all my customers. One day a woman comes in to return videos. I'm joking around with her. She cuts me off mid-sentence and says, “You know, you ain't that cute and you're certainly ain't that funny. When I come here and get helped by you I swear I wish you'd just shut the fuck up!” She proceeded to throw a crumpled up ten-dollar bill at me and then stormed out of my store, not collecting her change. I'd like to say she's the only example, but there are others.

In bars and clubs, when I frequented them, I'd talk to a lot of women. I would get shot down at an impressive clip. Probably better than 90% of the women I approached were not interested in me. If I had a league, it was small and certainly one of my own.

As I grew older and more confident in myself I dated more. I met different types of women who were older than me, younger than me, had their shit together, and didn't know what the fuck they were doing. I dated all over the spectrum.

There were women I went out with that, I felt, I had no business being with because they were so much more attractive relative to my own perceived attractiveness. I felt, then, that I was dating out of my league. If I look at it, just about every woman I've dated has been “out of my league.” Since this seemed to be an every time sort of thing I began to wonder if this so-called “league” actually existed.

I posit to you that this “league” is a figment of your imagination; it is a societal construct erected to explain away the simple fact that a lot of people think you're a turd.


The woman I'm with now is, I would say, out of my league. She is college educated, has her P.h.D. and has a relatively stable family. By contrast, I didn't go to college, my family history is checkered, with red-flags abounds. Yet, for some reason, with those things in mind, this person still wants to be with me.

Simply put, some people are just not going to want to fuck you either sober or shit-faced. That doesn't mean you're not in their league. That's just life.

I've seen so many examples of couples who are “mismatched.” That is—those couples who seem to be ill-paired because one of them is so much better looking than the other. When I stop to think about it, it really does make this notion of a “league” laughable.

Science tells us that if we spend more time together that we are more likely to become attracted to one another. Have you ever had a realization that you wanted to fuck a co-worker who you would never have those thoughts about? Yeah, that's a thing, people. And why not? If you work in an office, you spend the majority of your life there, with your coworkers. The more time you spend with them, the more you learn about them. Perhaps you learn to enjoy their company and empathize with them when they have a setback. It's normal and it happens all the time. Ask around. I dare you!

I have two friends Brett and Ailey, now married to one another, who were nursing recent breakups. The two, in my opinion, couldn't have been any more of a mismatch. She was tall, had a great smile, bubbly personality, and was chased by men (and women) from far and wide. He was partially blind, had a limp, bad haircut, and most of us would guess he was a virgin. Yet he was slamming the pussy, folks. My point is that Brett and Ailey are married. Ailey was a highly sought after woman. I had even pursued her at one point (and failed). Brett scored. Why? Because he's a nice guy, he's loyal, he knows how to love and how to be loved.

There is no league. Don't pander to it, don't acknowledge it. If you like someone, pursue them. If it doesn't work out then it doesn't work out. Couples who are different in every way have been fucking and marrying and doing all sorts of shit since the dawn of time, people.

If the league is a myth, I'm going to have to say that it would be “busted.”

Featured image credit —

Author Profile

Alex is the founder and managing editor at the Urban Dater. Alex also runs: DigiSavvy, for which he is the co-founder and Principal. Alex has a lot on his mind. Will he ever get it right? If he does, he'll be sure to write.

Online Dating News & Advice Right in Your Inbox

By signing up, you agree to our Privacy Notice and European users agree to the data transfer policy.

Thanks for subscribing.

Similar Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *