Women are attracted to dominate alpha-males. By incorporating alpha male body language into your daily habits, you communicate to women that you are a man of high value. So, without further ado, enjoy!
1. When you are talking, hold eye contact. Have you ever seen Bill Clinton speak? When he talks to people he holds their eye contact continuously. Don’t be afraid to hold eye contact a little longer than feels comfortable. Studies show that we judge people who hold eye contact for a long time to be dominant. If you do look away, always look away to the right or left and never down.
2. When the other person is talking, give less eye contact. This is true with people who you are not in rapport with. The less eye contact you give someone when they are talking, the more they appear to be trying to seek your attention. Think back to a time when you were talking to someone and they weren’t looking at you. It’s a very dominant move. This does not mean you totally ignore people. Your goal is not to be rude. If you hold eye contact 75% of the time when you are talking, hold it 25% when other people are talking.
The main exception to this is when you are in deep rapport with someone. If you are in the process of building a deep connection with a girl (i.e., you guys are building a relationship, see the outer game section for more details) you should be holding eye contact.
3. Narrow Your Eyes When Talking. Specifically, keep them relaxed. Studies show that our internal emotional states are contagious. Whatever we feel, others feel. Can you remember a time when someone around you was really anxious? It makes you feel anxious too!
When we are turned on and relaxed our eyes are narrow and relaxed. This is referred to as “sex eyes.” Once you get sex eyes down you can seduce a girl without saying anything.
4. Your Body Should Be Open, Wide, and Relaxed. Always be comfortable. Realize deep down that you always have power. The king of the jungle never worries. Everything is under control. Make a point of always looking relaxed. Worry less about perfect posture and more about looking open, wide, and relaxed. Your body language should say, “I am totally comfortable in this exact moment. I am in absolute control.”
You should absolutely never cross your arms in front of you.
5. Walk With Swagger. Imagine walking into a night-club that you owned. Are you going to walk in nervous and hesitant? Hell no. There is going to be strut to the way you walk. Where ever you are, walk as if you own the place. Also, watch the way boxers walk. Walk with confidence and purpose.
6. Project Your Voice Loudly. You should never sound timid when you talk. Don’t be afraid to really project your voice. A man who speaks loud communicates to those around him that he believes what he is saying is valuable.
More than any other quality, most of my clients do not project their voices loudly enough. Practice speaking loudly.
7. Slow Down! When. You. Speak. You. Should. Slow. Down. There is absolutely no rush to get what you are saying out. When people speak quickly it is because they fear that the other person will stop listening before they are finished speaking. Make every word you utter important. Pregnant pauses allow emphasis; and, in the case of story-telling, pregnant pauses build drama.
8. Deep Tone, Speak From Your Gut. When you speak from the gut you avoid speaking with a nasally voice. A deeper voice reflects a man with a higher testosterone count.
9. Vary Your Tone When You Talk. Put differently, don’t talk in a monotone. I had a friend years ago that would tell these long, detailed stories. His tone never changed. For hours he would talk and I felt like I was trapped in the seventh lair of hell. I wanted to interrupt him and change the topic but I worried that would just cause him to go off on an even longer tangent. Watch comedians to learn how to tell stories. If you are trying to master a certain tone, for example, the seductive tone, watch a movie with someone who talks in that tone.
Seriously, guys. Short of body-language, tone is by far the most powerful weapon in your seduction arsenal.
10. Keep Your Head High. Face the world with confidence. Picture James Bond. Would you ever see him walking around with his head down? Hell no.
11. Smile Less/ Laugh Less. I want you to imagine three different situations:
- You tell a joke. No one laughs except you.
- You tell a joke. Everyone laughs, including you.
- You tell a joke. Everyone laughs except you.
Smiling and laughter are ways of communicating approval. What you say when you smile at someone is, “I like you. You’re cool.” I do not think you should try to be a street thug that never smiles at all. But only smile when something is actually worthy of approval. Never smile just to try to get along with other people. Instead…
12. Give a Smirk. Also called the “You’re Earning My Approval” Smile. When people say something clever, or funny, give them a half-smile. This communicates that you found value in what they said; but it isn’t a full approval. It makes them want to continue earning your approval.
13. Walk Slower. Think about how James Bond walks. The building explodes, the helicopter crashes right in front of him, and a plane drops a bomb seventy feet from where he’s standing. The smoke clears. You see James Bond walking out in a slow swagger, totally un-worried about everything going on around him.
Walk with purpose. Don’t be in a hurry. Remember, everything about your body language should communicate relaxed, confident, and in control.
14. Be Non-Reactive. This is more a mindset than a particular action. Don’t argue with people. Realize that if people are doing anything to get a reaction from you they are by definition seeking your approval.
A lot of guys hate it when a girl starts talking shit, or a guy starts trying to make fun of them, or one of their friends starts trying to argue with them. I don’t hate it at all. On the contrary, I love it. It’s a perfect opportunity to demonstrate my alpha-status.
If I go up to a girl and she starts saying, “Are you hitting on me?” I say, “That’s cute. .” If she starts being rude, for example, saying, “Is that the best game you got? I hear better lines all the time. That’s pathetic.” I’ll turn it around on her, “Is that how your parents raised you to speak to strangers?”
I can’t get enough of guys talking shit. If anyone tries to make fun of you simply agree with whatever they are saying and make it more ridiculous. The other night a guy said to me, “Man, you’re really sweaty, are you nervous?” I replied, “Yea, bro. This is the first time I’ve been out socially since middle school. I’m crazy nervous being around people as cool as you.”
“For real, though,” he said, “I bet you can’t go out to dance clubs at all.”
“Right again, man. In fact, did you see the news about the flooding downtown last night? They said it was rain, but it was actually because the DJ started playing electronic music.”
Whatever you do, never raise your tone, or act hurt. You should always be unresponsive to pressure from the outside. If you act like nothing bothers you, people will assume it doesn’t.
15. Workout. Research indicates that taller, more athletic men are naturally judged to be more Alpha. Obviously you can’t control your height. You can control your muscle and fat. Working out and eating healthy will not only make you look more alpha, it will boost your testosterone, making you feel more Alpha. Seriously, go work out.
16. Lead the Conversation. An Alpha Male enters a conversation and leads it along an interesting path. That means talk about whatever you want to talk about. If you want to talk about sex, talk about sex. If you want to talk about sports, talk about sports. In the outer game section we will learn what constitutes “interesting.” For now, just know that as a man you were born with the right to lead the conversation where ever you want to take it. You don’t need permission from anyone.
Never ask permission with your words. Never say, “Do you want to come talk to me?” Say, “We’re going to go over there and talk, come on.” Always be authoritative, bordering on commanding. If you act like they should do what you say, they will.
17. Lead with Your Body. Too often men focus on the “what do I say” aspect of picking up chicks. Much more important is “What do I do?” If you want to dance with a chick, don’t say, “Can I dance with you?” Better would be to say, “Come on, let’s dance!” Best would be to grab her (gently) by the wrist and pull her to the dance floor. It’s the same with kissing. “Can I kiss you?” – Weak. “Come here.” – Better. Reach in and kiss her – Best.
So there you have it! For more advice on how to talk to girl, visit my website at thelovelabs.com!