Psychology of Good and Bad “Game,” and Its Consequences

A term that is ubiquitous among dating and relationship experts is “game.” “Mr. Locario – The Bad Boy of the Dating Game,” (mrlocario.com) from New York City, emphasizes the significance of game in his youtube videos, Patreon, web site and ebooks. Everyone, he affirms, has either weak or strong, game. At Locario Fan (2016) he declares, “All having game is, is about having a skill and a strategy to get what you want.” Further, it can be employed to get friends, acquire a vocation, or operate a business. Game requires interpersonal intelligence, which, avers psychologist Dr. Gardner (1993), is one of nine different types of intelligence. He defines this as the ability “…to notice distinctions among others—in particular, contrasts in their moods, temperaments, motivations. In advanced forms, this permits a skilled adult to read the intentions and desires of others, even when hidden. This skill appears in…salespersons, marketers, teachers, therapists….” (p. 15). Good gamers, then, excel at detecting verbal, facial and bodily cues when making the acquaintance of new people and dating. Curiously, the American Psychological Association’s Society for Men never really broached the issue of game.

Some YouTubers criticize dating specialists, like Locario, stating that they mislead vulnerable people about how to attract women. The specialists vehemently disagree, reassuring viewers that they haven’t developed good game. They allude to various personas, movements and lifestyle choices some of these men, unfortunately, find themselves relegated to. So, below, Peckham (2015-2019), purveys the ugly side of having no game through crowdsourced “Top Definitions.”

Fallout Phenomena

Cuck
by The Cherit August 17, 2017

A desperate man who craves to be loved by a woman. He will then alter his value and belief systems, subsequently sacrificing his integrity and self-esteem, without defending himself, all only to maintain a spurious, romantic relationship with a disloyal woman.

Incel (Involuntarily celibate)
by lizalfoe August 08, 2017

Such men are bereft of social skills, objectify and disrespect women—whom, they believe, owe them sexual satisfaction. They assume their lack of LMS (looks, money & status) makes them unattractive to women. Incels have little awareness of themselves and believe other, average-looking albeit popular, men get dates because they are deceptive. They often view egregious, violent, misogynistic sexual materials on the internet.

MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way)
by Armycat296 May 31, 2019

These fellows opt for living a pure life of manhood, eschewing women. (There is also WGTOW, which applies to women.) This often involves divorcees or lonely men who declare umbrage at their ex-wives and rejections, after being triggered. Some belong to incel coteries and encourage violence against women.

Red Pilled
by Dr_Scientist_ November 19, 2018

“Red pilled” is the indoctrination process via marginalized ‘men’s-rights’ and ‘incel’ groups on the internet, who preach that men are entitled, but precluded, to success with women because of feminism. “Red pill” is a cultural meme representing the selection of either the reality principle, with life’s learned hard knocks, yearned independence and in-your-face veracity; or, its opposite, the “blue pill,” representing the pleasure principle (Auchincloss & Samberg, 2012), via a felicitous and safe, yet unrealistic, life, indifferent to pain. These pharmaceutical metaphors derive from the 1999 movie, The Matrix.

Simp ((S)uckas – (I)dolizing – (M)ediocre – (P)ussy)
by DJ METAF4 May 18, 2015

Somebody who offers exorbitant attention to a woman who is socially and physically below his station. She is cognizant of her lower status and exploits him.

True Forced Loneliness (TFL)
by Uncool dude December 16, 2018

The majority of TFLers think the world is unfair and no one else is culpable for their unattractiveness and failures. Misconceptions about them are that they loathe women, feel they are entitled to their affection, or shouldn’t be rejected.

Positive Way Out

According to Keller (2016), there are six male personality types (regardless of any clinical endorsement); two of which coaches incessantly discuss, below:

Alpha male – attractive, charming, successful, envied and popular; a leader and cynosure; gregarious, independent, confident, and most accepted by women. Quintessentially masculine.

Beta male – sensitive, self-effacing, dependable, easy-going; diffident about appearance and himself; sociable but not garrulous; not as successful, but faithful; more realistic than alpha and easier to bond with; not popular and least accepted by women. Less masculine.

Some, like Reichl (2018), say betas don’t know how to first approach, and act around, women. He explains that this is (in some instances, if not for a dearth of social skills) because “Feminism… decreases…polarity through androgynization…blending…masculine and feminine qualities in…people. While women…develop masculine traits by entering competitive environments like business and politics, men are told to be sensitive, show emotions, and embrace their ‘feminine side’. This produces emasculated men with mediocre feminine qualities and defeminized women with mediocre masculine qualities.”

Finally

To solve dating dilemmas, Locario (2018) presents seven traits which men must possess:

1 – “Core confidence”—sans accomplishments–irrespective of attachments with women;
2 – Impeccable dressing, grooming, and fitness;
3 – Impact on women’s emotions, making her feel good through flirting and dominance;
4 – Control of his emotions, putting aside her reactions;
5 – Skills reading females, i.e., knowing how she’s responding to him;
6 – Appreciation (if he’s not monogamous) that he’s sharing women, so he doesn’t become clingy;
7 – Ongoing study of the game; and socializing.

Remember: Good alpha “game” is comportment plus methodology in social scenarios.

References

Auchincloss, Elizabeth L. & Samberg, Eslee. (Eds.). (2012). Psychoanalytic Terms and Concepts. New Haven, CT: Yale University Press.

Gardner, Howard. (1993, 2006). Multiple Intelligences. New York, NY: Basic Books.

Keller, Christine. (2016, September). Herway. Life – “Alpha Vs Beta Vs Gamma Vs Omega Vs Delta Vs Sigma Personaity – Which Type Are You?” https://herway.net/life/alpha-vs-beta-vs-gamma-vs-omega-vs-delta-vs-sigma-personality-type/#ftoc-heading-3

Locario Fan. (2016, October 23). “What Does It Mean to ‘Have Game’.” (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8BZF_zJSeFI

Locario Fan. (2018, July 9). “7 Traits That Men Who Are Experts at Attracting Women Master.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fU9TxTKvsSc&t=1381s

Peckham, Erin. (2015-2019). The Urban Dictionary https://www.urbandictionary.com/

Reichl, Dominic. (2018, January 7). “(On the Ethics of Gender Equality) Is Feminism Good or Bad?” from mindcoolness by Dom. https://www.mindcoolness.com/blog/is-feminism-good-or-bad/

Author profile

I am a Laurentian University graduate and an Affiliate Member of the American Psychological Association. I work as an abstract, acrylic artist in Sudbury, Ontario, Canada. My art is often shown in Toronto.

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