Ladies, have you ever dated a man that was an absolute catch? You know who I’m talking about—that guy! The guy that has it all—the chiseled face and body, and a dashing personality to match. If you have, I suspect you can remember dealing with one annoying side effect in particular…
Having to deal with all the women that would try and hit on him, steal him away from you, or seduce him and the lingering fear that he could cheat on you was always on the forefront of your mind. This is an especially real fear for you if you’ve been cheated on in the past.
One thing you need to know is that your brain is incredibly good at finding patterns based on your experiences and what you're focusing on. So if a man you dated in the past started acting distant or going “off the radar” before he cheated, then your brain is going to make a connection that your worst fear is about to happen again when your new amazing boyfriend starts behaving the same way.
In reality, ladies he may be tired from work, or he may be so busy just living his life that he hasn’t responded to a text message or called back in a few hours. This is absolutely okay! One perk to this is that it means the man you’re with is not going to be a clingy or needy boyfriend!
In cases like these, the biggest threat to your relationship is not other women seducing your man (let’s be real – he’s capable of making decisions and saying “no”) but your lack of trust for this man. If you let it, your imagination is going to dictate your thoughts and actions, and your insecurities will shine through until it pushes him away! Maybe some of you can relate to that painful experience. For those of you that can, you’ll notice yourself asking this question right now: “Well, how the hell do I fix it, then!?”
The answer is surprisingly simple but can be difficult to practice at first – you can think of it like trying to make a habit of going to the gym when all you want to do is sit at home and be lazy (that kind of difficult!). But if you do this, I promise you it will impact your love life for the better, and it will completely cure any problems you have with jealousy!
The trick is to change your focus.
Allow me to explain… Have you ever had a daydream of a completely made up scenario (I don’t know, maybe you envisioned how an argument would play out in your head) and you started to feel very real emotions as you let your mind wander? Of course, you have! Because your mind can do that! And the reverse is true too!
If you think about an amazing time you’re going to have tonight with your latest crush or significant other and you’ll catch yourself smiling like a crazy person and feeling butterflies just thinking about it (and the crazy part is your date hasn’t even happened yet!).
My point is, if you don’t have any proof or any real reason to suspect that the man you’re with is cheating on you, then it’s very likely that he isn’t.
The absolute worst thing you can do is let your insecurity turn into distrust and manifest into a self-fulfilling prophecy where you start digging into his phone and personal life looking for “proof” of something that doesn’t exist in the first place. It creates for a toxic environment and relationship.
This, ladies, is the biggest threat to your relationship—not other women…
If you do suffer from the angst of jealousy, then focus on everything that suggests (and proves) that your man is loyal to you and only you. Give your brain the opportunity to start seeing the healthy patterns that do exist in your relationship and you’ll find that your level of trust increases over time. The next thing that’s going to happen is he’ll take notice of your appreciation of him (which is something he values deeply) and ultimately it will make you a happier and healthier couple!
Coaches women all over the world using proven and effective attraction techniques by breaking down the psychology of attraction so you can find, attract, and keep the man of your dreams!
Creator of 15minutedatingtips.com and the Women's Dating and Relationship School