He satisfied me like I hadn’t been in a long time! Honestly, most men need to be shown how to be good lovers. They need a guide to show them the way. Him? Oh, he was a natural, a total turn-on. He made me feel like a horny teenager. I felt comfortable the moment I sat beside him on the couch. I felt the surge of tingles and warmth as soon as he touched me.
I pushed guys away my whole life. Now that I finally found one that checked multiple boxes he doesn’t feel the same, because feelings suck. I don’t know how or why I feel like this. He makes me vulnerable. I tend not to allow myself to get emotionally attached, and I have been good at it my whole adult life—until I met him, that is.
My track record isn’t ideal. So many men have come and gone—and “come” literally. But, he unleashed something I buried years ago that I never allowed any man to unlock. Especially sexually. For that I am thankful. He made me realize the girl I used to be back before life got complicated. Before I lost my first love, he reminded me that I am still alive inside even if it has been decades.
Why do I feel punished for wanting more?
There is a vast difference between being the woman a man wants to date and the woman he only wants to sleep with.
Playtime was great, clearly because I was always craving more. I still want him to be a part of my story. I feel as though this chapter remains incomplete. But every story has to end eventually, and it’s not a fucking fairytale. Happily ever after is a myth. And to this day I haven’t felt what I did with him. Because feelings suck is often the answer to the question I ponder most. However, that answer is still not an answer that resonates well with me. Why are we still swiping on each other and not actually hooking up like we have been? Makes absolutely no sense. This is the guy who inspired me to start blogging in the first place whether he realized it or not. Feelings are supposed to suck. And at this point of our lives why let that be a reason not to get too close? So let’s continue to breadcrumb/ghost me and keep swiping. Maybe feelings won’t suck as bad with someone else?? I can’t shake this. I don’t know if he was trying to protect his heart, but he bruised my own in the process. Breadcrumbs suck. Finding someone, you have fun with and are compatible with but can’t be around them sucks!! So guess I got my answer without any words. Feelings suck because I caught them. For the first time in forever I met a guy who sparked something in me. But like an amateur I caught the feels. This guy is keeping me at an arms-length, is it payback for every guy I have done it to? If so Karma, you really are a Bitch…touché!!
The men in my life wanted more from me, this time I want more from a guy who doesn’t?!
I only say this because I never knew how he felt.
Since him I have been out with other men, trying to numb the way he made me feel, and no other guy has compared since. Sex only temporarily fills a void. So why are we still swiping on each other? He took a chance on someone else… But couldn’t put in the effort or consistency with me.
I still wonder what he is up to?
I wonder if I will ever see him again.?
I am wondering if he ever thinks about me?
Why am I sad when we weren’t anything more than casual? We only connected when it was convenient for him. Guess that’s all I was, just a convenience.