4 Signs That Your Nice Guy is Actually an Asshole
When it comes to dating, I’m a bit of a masochist. I would never admit to anyone that I like dating assholes, but somehow that’s what I’ve often ended up with. I seem to have an innate ability to repel decent guys while simultaneously bringing the biggest jerks into my intimate distance.
I don’t do it on purpose. It’s an almost autonomic response, if such reasoning can be applied to my dating life. I go for the olive-skinned-angular-jaw type and for the give-two-shits-looks-with-seven-day-workout-week-arms type and for the bookish-guy-with-beard type etc., a nice variety, but underneath these kind features, that send discrete signals throughout my body, there’s usually a jerk waiting to be revealed!
I have the impression that bad boys are part of a broader reproduction strategy, an aspect of evolution not fully understood by women. Often, the biggest assholes are guys who you wouldn’t have ever expected could break your heart, which makes the disappointment all the more painful.
Girls may like bad boys but nobody wants to date an asshole. We like bad boys because they’re better actors when it comes to seeming interesting and there are romantic ideas about changing them that we find appealing. Doesn’t that seem absurd? You should eliminate jerks early on, before they start playing games with your emotions.
After many painful relationships, I’ve come up with a few warning signs you can look for to detect whether or not your “nice guy” is just another jerk. Here we go.
- He repeatedly describes himself as a nice guy
No guy who is really nice would ever have to say this about himself, nor would he want to. A sense of humor and intelligence are more impressive than desperate repetitive echoes saying, “…but I'm a nice guy.”
Think about it. Any other guy who likely said this to you would get a one-way trip to the friendzone. No guy would go there willingly.
An asshole or player or whatever knows that girls are attracted to him but are also afraid of being hurt. To make you feel more secure and gain your trust, he might cover his bad intentions with sweet-talk or reiterate over and over how nice of a guy he is. Beware of any guy overselling his positive qualities. Someone who is really nice needs no recognition or reward—being nice and good are qualities that manifest and are not to believe on hearsay.
- He is extremely confident with women
If a guy approaches you confidently, like he’s approached a million girls before you, he probably has! We often fall for guys who are semi-professional seducers, who know when and what subtle compliments to drop in order push our buttons and come off as charming gentleman.
Assholes usually have no problem knowing how to treat women. They’re experienced and deception is part of their game. So, if a guy seems too good to be true, give it time before you swoon headfirst into a disaster.
- He Wants To Be The Center Of Your Life
If your “nice guy” keeps track of you or is otherwise controlling or acts jealous, pump the breaks; this is an asshole red flag. If he wants to know where you go and whom you’re with, that’s creepy stalkerish behavior. You shouldn’t have to worry about checking in every 30 minutes or replying instantly to his text messages or being made to feel as if you’re being manipulated by his moods, like they’re your or someone else’s fault.
Be careful. Everything isn’t about him and just because you have different opinions or friends doesn’t mean he gets to control you. If your “nice guy” doesn’t get what he wants and then freaks out on you, he’s just a jerk.
- He’s overly critical
Does he often criticize you and your friends? Maybe he drops negative comments into conversation about your behavior that drives you crazy? I know, he’s always right and you should always change this or that to be what you were before. What a joke.
It’s fairly obvious that anyone who judges anyone else isn’t a nice person. This idea that he’s just being honest and cares about you is the ultimate blinding arrogance of assholedom. Remember what you already know, a man who cannot accept who you are will never be right for you.
Sarah Williams is a busy full-time dating advisor and lifestyle blogger. She loves motivating people to reach their highest potential, boost their energy and feel better in their own skin. You can connect with Sarah on Wingman Magazine
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You just described me!
I’m starting to get nervous over here. I don’t repeatedly describe myself as a nice guy though.
Your blog has made me clap. True, I am this kind of girl who hunts down men who are hypocrites of being nice. If anyone would have time, he/she can read my story about this issue. It would be better for a guy to be a total bad ass than to be half-bad ass. It’s more manly.