Ask the Urban Dater: Can You Be Too Available by Just Texting?

It's been a crazy week, but I'm back and ready to slam some opinions into your noggins, kids, much the same way a porn star would… I mean, it would be totally not like that of course… And moving on!

The awesome Jess Downey posted a guest article by yours truly on Monday about women who are too available.  It's inspired a few readers to write up some questions on regarding this topic.  So I thought I'd share one of them with you!

From: Michelle
Subject: 2 Available 2 Txt

Message Body:
Can someone be too available when they are only responding to texts? I never know when to end a text conversation and that always feels awkward. It is still responding to his questions, but I feel like it goes on forever. I don't always respond right away, sometimes it is twenty minutes and someotimes at the end of the day, but I still feel like I may be being too much.


Michelle my belle! I think you bring up a great question!  The short answer is, yes, one CAN totally be too available, especially through text.  The thing is, Michelle, you already know the answer here, don't you?  If you're already feeling uncomfortable with the frequency of text messages you are receiving then it is incumbent on you to let the offending texter that they're “cramping your style,” or that they are “creepin' you out by being all up in your business!”  Seriously, though, a friendly message that you're busy or having things to do should be enough for the average respectful person.

As with anything in life, balance is required.  Too much salt ruins a meal and too much texting ruins the possibility of first night coitus, or, rather, any coitus at all…

Here's how I would deal with this:
I would call the person directly and not text them and I would bring up this issue right away, however, be mindful that how you bring it up is the key.  I dated someone who was a compulsive texter, they were more comfortable texting than talking, which I didn't quite get at first. I called them out on this (in person, though) and joked about how much they text, which is when they confided how much more comfortable they were texting. Having that information in mind, I was able to understand their love of the texting and could look the other way.  Ultimately, though, it's all about what you're comfortable with. If two or more texts per day presents an issue, then speak up!  If your potential “fuzzy bumper” respects you, they will understand if you explain that you have a hard time responding to the constant stream of text messages.

Give the offending texter a chance by explaining what you're able to tolerate! (communication is key, peeps).  If you plan to talk to the texter about their “habit” try doing so in person, to see if you can light-heartedly address the issue.

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Alex is the founder and managing editor at the Urban Dater. Alex also runs: DigiSavvy, for which he is the co-founder and Principal. Alex has a lot on his mind. Will he ever get it right? If he does, he'll be sure to write.

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  1. Ha! I'm glad you brought this up, because I have mixed feelings about it. I'm not a texter, and it creeps me out when a guy I just met online starts texting me during the day, even if it's nothing but "how r u?" I feel like we should talk and meet in person to start things off. I need to know how you sound/ who you are. I'm old school I guess. Although I text my friends ALL the time over calling.

  2. Ugh, technology has totally ruined dating!

    Michelle was absolutely right…text dating is so awkward. Who texts last? How late can you text? How much can I type before it just becomes easier to call?

    I have a strict no text reply rule in the early stages of the relationship. I don't give a hoot how busy, tired or "anti-phone calls" you claim to be…if you can not take a measly 5 mins out of your day to pick up the phone and make and effort!, major points lost on your side!
    .-= nappyheadedblackgirl´s last blog ..When You're Strange =-.

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