The decision of seeking marriage counseling can be hard or your partner may not be willing. But during transition periods of life, a lack of communication, mistrust, sense of infidelity may need counseling of the expert. Marriage counselors often have credentials and expertise in that particular field but you may have to try out a few to find the best fit for you for counseling.
Admitting that your partnership or marriage is having problems that cannot mend on their own can be the hardest part. But going to the therapist when it’s on the verge of breaking is not a good decision.
Counseling would help you to see your partner as actually who they are and mend your trust and have open communication with each other to strengthen your relationship or will help you to realize firm reasons for separation.
Marriage Counselling – An Overview
Marriage counseling or couples therapy is psychotherapy for resolving conflicts, increasing understanding for a crisis in marriage, and premarital counseling by experts licensed in marriage and family therapy. It generally is a short-term therapy.
But the length and participation depend on the situation. In case of participation sometimes one of the partners does not want to attend it. In that case alone, participation also helps. In some cases, one of them may need medical assistance for substance abuse or mental illness along with counseling sessions to address the whole problem.
Why You May Need Marriage Counseling
Many couples take part in marriage counseling initially for mainly three reasons:
- Lack of physical intimacy
But according to the interview of Hal Runkel, a marriage and family therapist and McNulty, a master trainer at Gottman Institute on bussinessinsider.com these are never the main reasons.
Generally, insecurities, communication problems, and the feeling that a person has to change themselves in order to be with the other are the reasons people seek therapy. Many ongoing events and underlying emotions can lead to this kind of broken relationship.
- Communication problem
- Sexual problems
- Lack of open communication
- Transitions e.g. marriage, childbirth, retirement
- Domestic abuse
- Substance abuse
A counselor would understand both of your narratives, observe your responses, and help you to unwind and take rational and best decisions. A counselor would decipher the meaning behind the complaints.
It helps you to take the focus out of your lives and problems and put it on yourselves and the expectations from each other, and find a solution that is best for both.
Signs That You Need Marriage Counseling
A Gap Of Communication:
When you don’t communicate, going back is really difficult. More than frequent arguments and negative communication evokes a sense of shaming, belittling, and disrespect. Negative communication also includes emotional abuse.
If your partner is becoming hard to approach and almost anything from money to sex and the aftertaste of every communication feels bitter, it’s time you visit a counselor. Negative communication mostly leads to shutting down to each other and deterioration of mental health.
Lack Of Physical Intimacy:
When married couples turn into roommates the distance between them also increases mentally. Physical intimacy is a legit way to communicate the attitude towards each other. The way couples get intimate can indicate their love, care, and trust for each other.
Lack of physical intimacy for a long time means two of you are getting disinterested in each other. Another spectrum of this is, if sex is given as punishment and your partner becomes controlling and angry most of the time, it’s likely your partner is abusing you.
Major life changes like childbirth and retirement can create a distance between partners and have an impact on their marriage. Many couples go for counseling before marriage to iron out all their differences and strengthen their relationship.
Premarital counseling always helps in the long run. After childbirth, parents generally don’t get to take time out for themselves, and ignorance and misunderstanding can increase. But in most cases, parenting is not the core of the problem. The core problem is a lost connection and a sense of infidelity.
Addiction Of Substance:
If one of the partners is addicted to alcohol, drugs, and other substances, that can lead to domestic abuse, ill health, and mental problems. If your partner or you has an addiction and if that is ruining your relationship you should go to a counselor who will also recommend medical treatment and other therapies.
Abusive partners are difficult to deal with and can be ruining his or her spouse and their children’s lives in which case, solo-counseling is a must. If your partner hurts you physically and mentally, if you are afraid to talk to them and if there is a radical change in a short time, that is if they are harmful and rude one moment and the other moment is full of affection, then those are signs of abuse.
Having An Affair:
If one or both of the partners are having an extramarital affair, things can get complicated and some couples go to counselors for divorce, in that case, after assessment of the situation counseling can be processed to prevent mental harm.
Does Marriage Counseling Really Work?
The simple answer to the question Does marriage counseling works is? If the couple finds the correct therapist and is willing to let the counselor help them, it obviously works. Each marriage is like a DNA sequence; i.e., it is unique for each of them. If your marriage or relationship fails or has problems that you want to solve, a counselor would give a transparent look at you and your partner’s lives.
At first, you may find it challenging to tell your problems to the counselor in detail. You may end up arguing with each other or remaining completely silent during the sessions. That is completely fine. Acting normal and interacting with each other would let your counselor observe.
A counselor can give you communication exercises or exercises to do together and can bring you closer and refer treatment for mental and physical health problems, helping you have a peaceful and clean divorce.
When two persons live together, their dreams, expectations, lifestyles can collide and create problems. Getting professional help to help your own life is always a wise choice.
You can ask friends, families, or healthcare providers for referrals. The success rate of EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy) is 75% nowadays. The earlier you go to the counselor the better will be your relationship.