Psychology of Women’s Emotions In Dating: What Men Should Know

Wingmam

Anna Maria Jorgensen is a former real estate agent, now a dating and relationship coach, from Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada. Before coaching, she personally used numerous dating sites, then married, but is now single. In February 2016, she inaugurated her Your Wingmam youtube channel, where she currently features #JustTheTip Tuesday videos, therein “Helping You Get the Girl of Your Dreams!” To date, she has created 362 videos and garnered some 166,000 subscribers, with almost 20,000,000 total views. A comely woman with an endearing presence, Jorgensen combines wit with sagacity by employing sundry facial expressions and accompanying emojis to illustrate her points throughout the videos. She sells a “WakeUP2Luv” step-by-step home study program and penned a 2016 memoir, Me: A Rewrite. From Vanity Insanity to Self-Acceptance (Sort of).

Women and Emotions

In her video, Can She Love You? (2020), Jorgensen makes the asseveration that, in a woman’s brain, the “…emotional center is eight times bigger than a man’s.” In fact, psychologists Rob Pascale, Ph.D., and Lou Primavera, Ph.D. (2019) found that “The female brain has greater blood flow in the cingulate gyrus, the part…involved in processing emotions, resulting in more intense emotional reactions and…memories.” Jorgensen adds that, generally, women are not “linear” and don’t respond literally to situations as men might expect. For instance, what a woman says and feels may change from one day to another. Jorgensen avers, “You can’t use logic to convince a woman of anything” to succeed in dating. Therefore, a man will go awry if he employs his logic to comprehend a woman’s motives. He must then appeal to her fluctuating emotions and feelings, which are based on hormones and volatility.

From Biology to Dating

In her video How To Get A Girlfriend (2020), Jorgensen says that men are neurologically and biologically more influenced by the visual than women are. Thus, physical appearance is less significant for women, particularly if they seek a long-term relationship. This is why they often look beyond physicalities in on-line dating. Science writer Bruce Goldman (2017) delved into the work of psychology professor Diane Halpern, Ph.D. (2013). She studied brain circuitry in the sexes and discovered they varied. Furthermore, this affected cognition and behavior. Halpern declared this was not based on socialization practices but was biological.     

Boys, Girls, and Hormones

Jorgensen alludes to the sometimes controversial work (see Lilienfeld, et al., 2010, p. 145) of neuropsychiatrist Louann Brizendine, B.A. (neurobiology), M.D. (2011), who discovered that boys solve personal issues by utilizing their analytical brain structures instead of their emotional ones. They are more attuned to hierarchy and rank and have a penchant for competitive, rough play. Girls are more cooperative in a similar play. Brizendine lists several areas of the brain that operate differently in the sexes. For instance, the sexual pursuit area in the hypothalamus (medial preoptic area) in the male brain is two and half times greater than in the female brain, making them fantasize more on feminine body parts. However, a woman’s mirror neuron system, which governs empathy, is more active than a man’s. Also, Brizendine states that, in the boy’s brain, mainly the hormones Mullerian inhibiting substance, testosterone, and vasopressin, defeminize, masculinize (empower) protect. This predisposes the brain's circuits to typical male behaviors, possessing the earliest lasting effects. In the girl’s brain, estrogen, oxytocin, progesterone stimulate, soothe, and regulate. This heavily influences behavior. The nervous system and brain circuits are wired to their musculature, particularly the face, differently. Subsequently, increased pubertal testosterone causes men to see other people’s faces as more aggressive.  

Empathy and Space

A British psychologist and professor, Simon Baron-Cohen, Ph.D. (2003), affirms that earlier on, girls are more empathetic than boys and, later as women, share with their friends what distresses them more so than do men. As well, he states–referring to the studies of social psychologist Martin L. Hoffman, Ph.D. (1977) and others–that “Women…show more comforting behavior…of strangers, than men do” (p. 33). Baron-Cohen adds that in relationships, women can be more reciprocal and altruistic. He argues that, essentially, women are empathizing—using the left side of the brain, while men are systemizing—using the right. Women are superior in language skills because of better empathizing. Men are better in spatial ability (visualizing angles and movements of objects in space), because of higher systemizing, via analysis and exploration.

More Parts and Their Influence

British geneticist and broadcasting editor Anne Moir, Ph.D., author and broadcaster David Jessel, Dr.h.c. (1992), discuss the work of Canadian neuroscientist Sandra Witleson (1978). She avers that the corpus callosum, which links the brain’s hemispheres, comprises a bundle of nerve fibers more bulbous and thicker in women than in men. Therefore, women’s brain organization is more diffuse than are men’s, whose overall organization is more specific. Witleson discovered that women recognized emotionally charged visual images transmitted to either hemisphere of the brain. In contrast, men could recognize such content only when the image was sent to the right hemisphere. Because the exchange between the hemispheres is not as fluent in men, they retain their emotions steadfastly and are not as verbally dexterous as women in expressing them. Moreover, the speech areas utilized to verbalize how one feels are located on the brain's left side. This would affect communication during dating. Perhaps this is why dating experts encourage men to allow women to be more loquacious in spoken exchanges. Women, too, are superior in ascertaining emotional cues in faces, gestures, and the voice (pp. 46-50).  

Conclusions

Scientifically speaking, dating coach Anna Jorgensen correctly affirms that women are, empathically, different from men, because of specific larger brain areas. They interpret facial cues, and are affected by physical appearances, differently, too. Men seeking relationships should espouse her advice by being less logical, and more deferential, with women’s emotions, to comprehend their sometimes seemingly irrational and unpredictable behaviors.  

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Bibliography

Baron-Cohen, Simon. (2003). The Essential Difference Men, Women and the Extreme Brain. London, UK: Penguin Books.

Brizendine, Louann. (2011). The Male Brain: A Breakthrough Understanding of How Men and Boys Think. New York, NY: Harmony Books. https://www.amazon.ca/Male-Brain-Breakthrough-Understanding-Thinkebook/dp/B0030DHPA2/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=The+Male+Brain%3A+A+Breakthrough+Understanding+of+How+Men+and+Boys+Think&qid=1616270631&s=books&sr=1-1

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Halpern, Diane F. (2013). Sex Differences in Cognitive Abilities. Brandon, VT: Psychology Press.

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Jorgensen, Anna Maria. (2016). Me: A Rewrite: From Vanity Insanity to Self-Acceptance (Sort of). Vancouver, BC: Brave Little Bird Publishing. https://www.amazon.ca/Me-Rewrite-Vanity-Insanity-Self-Acceptance/dp/0993797903/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=Me%3A+A+Rewrite.+From+Vanity+Insanity+to+Self-Acceptance+%28Sort+of%29.&qid=1616550571&s=books&sr=1-1

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Moir, Anne, & Jessel, David. (1992). BrainSex The Real Difference Between Men & Women. Reading, UK: Mandarin.

Pascale, Rob, & Primavera, Lou. (2019, April 25). Male and Female Brains Are they wired differently? Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/so-happy-together/201904/male-and-female-brainshange

Witleson, Sandra Freedman. (1978). Sex differences in the neurology of cognition: social educational and clinical implications. Le Fait Feminin. E. Sullerot. (ed.). Fayard, France, pp. 287-3-3.

Your Wingmam. (2020, February 11). Can She Love You? | Youre [sic] Wrong About Women | False Assumptions About How Women Love [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3M1DDmTuPrI&t=56s

Your Wingmam. (2020, October 13). How to Get a Girlfriend on a Dating Site During Covid! (Best Dating Sites 2021!) 2021 [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XSi1sZAyMdw