The first words you say to a girl you have just met determine whether she will dismiss you as a creep, friend zone you, or consider being your girlfriend.
Many guys are utterly clueless about what to say to a girl they just met. They will either talk about the weather or themselves, and bore the girl to death, flirt with her inappropriately, or even worse, they don’t say anything and let her walk by.
Most of the times, a guy will have trouble talking to a girl he has just met because feels like the girl is too beautiful, almost perfect, and, therefore, he is not worthy of her. He places the girl on a pedestal way above himself and then convinces himself that he needs some special approach talking to this girl.
This mindset is most inaccurate, and it will always fail you.
Pedestalizing is common
But don’t think that you are alone here. Every guy (no matter what he says), even many dating gurus and pick up artists pedestalized women when they started.
Anytime you see a gorgeous girl that you like you will feel anxious and become clumsy around her. It’s normal so don’t beat yourself up over it.
But not having a strategy for it will result in you unconsciously driving away girls that you are attracted to.
So what’s your strategy? Here are 5 things you can do to help you focus on being who you are when you are talking to a girl you’ve only just met… and not a bumbling mess
5 things to say to a girl you just met
1. Excuse yourself for interrupting her
Whenever you are approaching a girl, bear in mind that you are interrupting whatever she is doing. She may be trying to concentrate on the activity at hand, running late already or on her way somewhere. She, therefore, does not have any obligation to give you her time. As such, the first thing to say to a girl is to excuse yourself for bothering her.
Excuse me, but I just had to know…
I don’t mean to take up time, but can I say something real quick?
When you admit that you know that you are interrupting her day, she will feel respected, and she cannot help but respect you back. She is more likely to spare you some time no matter how busy she is.
I want you, and I hate to want things, and I especially hate admitting I want them. – The Coldest Girl in Cold Town by Holly Black
2. Introduce yourself
It is a shock how many times guys fail to introduce themselves. Launching into whatever you have prepared to say to the girl without introducing yourself first is presumptions. Introducing yourself shows confidence and gives you the girl a positive first impression of you.
Hi, I’m Randy. I like your coat, the color is really stunning
You, I have spent my life waiting for you. – Wicked Lovely by Melissa Marr
3. Open up about yourself and common interests.
People are attracted to people they feel are similar to themselves. Another reason why you should keenly listen to the information the girl gives about herself is to create a connection with her. When she is talking about herself, are you picking anything similar about both of you? Always make a connection first and then talk about yourself later.
At first, she may not really be interested in knowing you better. But by building a connection, she will start paying attention to what you have to say, and she will be attracted to you.
Wow, you love writing? What a coincidence! I have a freelance writing business.
Really? And thought it was weird that I would rather snack on celery sticks? So you are also not into snacks?
I am in love with you, and I am not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasures of saying true things! – The Fault in Our Stars by John Green
4. Compliment her
Girls love compliments, but you must be honest with her. For instance, if you like her, there is no reason why you should not tell her. In fact, if you don’t, she will be confused as to why you are interested in her.
Compliments can be a hard one for guys. Here’s a quick guide to how girls think about compliments (from my experience)
They want to be complimented on something they have done, chosen, thought about, etc. So here you need some empathy. While talking to her, think about what stands out and why.
Once you’ve got something then throw out a line (like a fishing line) and see if she bites. If she doesn’t, keep going with something else. It’s hard to know if there is any history behind something, or her current view on it so don’t force the issue.
Some of the compliments that you can give a girl include:
- You know, I really like how honest and open you are.
- I like that you are different.
- Meeting you was the highlight of my day.
- I love the way you smell (be careful with this one)
- I have learned so much from you today
- Wow! You are really good at what you do!
- You have such a positive charisma
- So to reiterate, if the girl says something that you like, does something that you think is
- Interesting or exhibits a trait you love, simply tell her.
You made me feel alive again – The Iron King by Julie Kagawa
5. Appreciate her company
Today was your first meeting the girl, so you want to keep it short. Do not buy up too much of her time. Thank her for her company and be clear about what you really enjoyed by being with her.
Also, ask for her number or ask her out. (Remember to call, not text)
I choose you over everyone. – Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell
The next step
If you go for a date with the girl, you need to be smart so that you do not find yourself in her friend zone. As soon as she starts warming up to you, let her know that you do not merely see her as a friend; you are interested in dating her.
And do not play games with her. There are all types of relationship advice out there today telling guys to not text or call back within a certain period, play hard to get, give the girl silent treatment once in a while, or be vague about where the relationship is going.
Being confident around women you like is something that you can learn. So don’t stress about it because it will only make things worse.
It can help to remember the reason why you are pursuing the girl in the first place. That you like her and you want her to be that special person in your life.