I'm excited to be featuring a piece from one of my fave ladies that do this relationship stuff right. Tristan Coopersmith. She's fantastic! She's working on a new book and recently launched the Breakup Club.
Ok, so maybe the female cast of Jersey Shore can pull off these looks, but ladies with class, ladies looking for the men I hear everyday they want – respectable men who treat them with respect, and relationships that are healthy, happy and sustainable, need to bury these traits, deep, NOW!
1. Ms. Desperado (i.e. desperate chic): Desperation is really a deep-seated need to have one’s ego constantly stroked, to feel full in one or more ways where there is significant lack. Desperados do unwise things in the short-term to satiate the pain of that void – almost like taking a drug to get high and these actions can have really bad long-term effects (like marrying some random foreigner in Vegas who needs a Green Card, just to be married by 30). Pinpoint that area of lack and there is no longer a need to feel desperate.
Signs: cannot NOT be in a relationship, has strict life/love timelines – will settle to meet them, bends standards to satisfy immediate needs, loses identity when in a relationship, needs validation that things are “ok” all the time, impulsivity
2. Potty Mouth (i.e. cursing chic): It may sound super Mad Men era but women who sound like they could shoot the sh&t with the best of truckers also are hard to picture as proper baby mama’s. The bottom line is that sure sometimes the only word that will do is the ‘F’ one but most of the time, educated, tasteful, creative women can come up with something a bit more expressive than a string of expletives to form their opinions. If not, unmanageable anger may be an underlying cause.
Signs: expletives in lieu of real expression all the f*&king time!
3. The Chug-A-Lug (i.e. drunk chic): Sure the girl who knows how to have a good time certainly can be a good time but overdo it and you beg the question of what you will be like when the sun comes up… head hanging in a toilet with a shoe missing. Not exactly such a pretty party. Women who overdo it in the drinking department typically have little confidence in themselves sans alcohol when what she really needs to do is get to know who she is underneath her party hat.
Signs: spikes her slurpees, has been given a monogrammed flask as a gift, is the go-to-girl for ordering shots, drinks after she pukes, always armed with mints, breath spray and gum (just in case), has major memory deficits but says that’s just a part of a good night out!
4. Green with Envy (i.e. jealous chic): One eye on your guy and one eye on all other women in the bar who might have her eyes on your man? Secretly scanning through his phone bill for unknown numbers? Sound familiar? Jealousy is usually a mind game being played with yourself. If you are the jealous type, deal with facts, not the fiction that you create in your mind that is probably a manifestation of carried-over, unresolved issues of relationship’s past.
Signs: constantly questioning boyfriend’s normal activities, checking phone/email, forbidding him to have female contact, putting down other women, insistently taggin along on “guy’s night”, generally suspicious and/or accusatory
5. The Saran Wrap Girlfriend (i.e. clingy chic): I get it, you meet a new guy and sometimes the warm fuzzies take over and all you think of is him… but take it too far and it becomes an obsession! The clingy girlfriend becomes suffocating less so out of love but more so out of insecurity and fear of abandonment.
Signs: initiating most of the calling/call incessantly, giving up your life when you get a boyfriend, fear of getting dumped, doing whatever he wants to do, being a “yes” woman
6. Clothing Optional (i.e. naked chic): This is the girl who literally leaves nothing to anyone’s imagination. Skirts and tops are barely there…. even when the temperature drops well below zero. Sure she gets head turns from every boy (and girl) in a bar, as well as the cabbie, the guy who sold her a pack of gum on the way, etc. but along with a lack of clothes, may also be a lack of self-love as she is relying on her best assets to be her ass, which shield her from having to reveal her inside self.
Signs: skimpy clothes all of the time, first to take off a layer of clothes, inappropriate dress for the weather, first to suggest strip poker as an evening activityOK, so today is the day to take a good, long, honest look in the mirror and ask yourself, “Do I have any of these tendencies?” If you are wavering, ask a BFF who you know you can count on to be honest with you (you know the one, the one who actually will tell you that yes, you do look fat in those jeans). If you uncover that you lean a little desperate, drink a few too many regularly, can’t fathom going out in anything more than a mini skirt and a boob top or so on…
STOP and take note. Work to figure out the source of your behavior and unpack it so you can move forth, in a lighter way. Think about what you get from your actions. Behavior always gratifies us in some way, so do a bit of soul searching to reveal how your conduct comforts you and how you may be able to gain that same comfort in a healthier, more positive, and even more powerful way. Then you will be able to bury it for good!
I’m sure I’m missing plenty of other unattractive looks for ladies (in fact I’m definitely thinking there is a part 2 and maybe 3 here), so help us all out! Fill in the blanks — in your opinion, what looks never look good on a lady?
Here’s to being the most fabulous, classiest version of YOU!