This is another post from the lovely Girl True Heart. One of the Urban Dater's earliest supporters. She's pretty fly and we're happy to be hosting her second post on our site.Originally posted March 18, 2009 (edited for The UrbanDater)
I don't think the man should always pay…
Mr Listener and I went out AGAIN, last night! I don't know that that has EVER happened before: Two nights, two dates in a row? It is so easy, so casual, so friendly between us. We went and played pool for 2.5 hours. He beat me soundly 5 of the 6 games, and I came close to winning but scratched on the 8 ball. I was really so impressed that he didn't hold back, and our warm shared sense of humor bounced around the table which made the time even more enjoyable. There was definite flirting and definite playful innuendos on both our parts. Then neither of us wanted to go home (and I MUST point out for once there was NO attempt to get back to my house, get into my pants etc, which is so refreshing I can't quite describe it…) so we walked laps around the parking lot, at a slow pace, and talked and talked. He asked many pointed questions, and we learned a lot about each other. He asks important, well-thought-out questions, the kind a writer would ask. I value that so much. I always ask those types of questions and most people think I'm crazy to want to know a level of detail about something that they have likely not even considered themselves.
When it came time to tally up, I whipped out my card and said, “Please let me pay, the loser [of the pool games] should pay…” and I looked at him with pleading eyes.
I could tell it troubled him slightly. Pride, I understand it. He had paid for the first meet which consisted of coffee and soup at a local cafe.
So when he responded to my plea with, “How about we split it?” I agreed. I just can't help but feel there's no reason he should have to pay for it all when I know (and he doesn't know, but probably suspects) that I'm making far more money than he is. What do you all think about this stuff? In the dating world right now, there are so many laid-off people, misplaced workers, etc. If the income levels are really drastic, would that determine whether or not you dated someone?
I must say by the end of our time together, I found him very cute and very kissable, but there was no kiss. Several hugs, lingering feel-good hugs which were like shots of B12 to my soul, but no kiss. I definitely wanted a kiss. I wanted to see how it would feel with him.
And that brings up other old debate….should a woman ever ask for a kiss? Should a woman just add a kiss to the cheek when she goes in for a hug? I hear the voice saying, “Trust me if a guy wants to kiss you, he'll find a way to kiss you.”
But….what if he likes a woman to make the first move?
That doesn't seem right in this case though as this particular guy seems traditional and old school in other aspects. He did say he likes to take things slow.
Hmmm, maybe we should try holding hands. I feel like I'm in junior high school; please cue up Journey. I wish I could just check my libido like a coat at the coat check and come pick it up 60 days later.
Useless Postscript: This man ended up listing 20 fine qualities about me to my face after several months of dating, and then added a “but…..;” he did not like my physical body “enough” and wanted to see if it [my body] would change enough to continue a romantic involvement.