A Girl’s Dilemma: Should I Go Up to His Apartment?

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should i go home with my date, first date sex, having sex on a first date, hooking up, romance, dating tips

Recently, a girlfriend of mine went on a third date with a man she met online. She said the first two dates had been incredible, and she was extremely excited for the third date. They were going to go to dinner, and then to see an independent film that was showing in a theater nearby.

But soon excitement turned to nerves when she realized the restaurant he picked was located a block away from his apartment. Should she go up if invited? Should she politely turn down his offer? She wasn’t ready to have sex with him yet, but she wanted more than just a peck goodnight on the street before she got into the cab.

This friend ended up going up to his apartment. They made out a little on his couch, and nothing more. He didn’t try again, and after they hung out, he walked her downstairs, hailed her a cab, and she was on her way. She never heard from him again.

She, like many girls, faced the burning question: “Should I go up to his apartment?” “What does it mean if I do?”

Let’s be honest for a minute. Guys usually have sex on the brain, and by accepting his invitation to enter his apartment, his kingdom, his personal space, he may believe you are going to get down and dirty with him. If you’re not ready yet, don’t go up. There are other places you can be alone with him instead of his apartment.

He probably will think you want to have sex with him.

Originally, I thought that she should play it by ear; if she felt comfortable, she should go up. If she didn’t, she shouldn’t. Easy enough. But then I got talking to my older sister and my mom, who had a much different view than I did. Both of them told me that you should absolutely not go up to his apartment, unless you were willing to go further than the typical high-school make-out session. We are no longer in our teens and early twenties. No guy will be happy with dry-humping your leg all night. He might feel like you were a tease, and he will get annoyed.

You don’t have to have sex, but you should be prepared for more than just kissing.

This theory was only further proven to be true, after I texted a good guy friend asking him his thoughts. “You don’t have to have sex with him, but you better be ready to have some personal time with him below the belt.” It’s better to leave him with a kiss on the street, than to accept the invitation into his apartment and lead him on.

Tell him after he makes the offer that you’re just not ready to have sex with him yet.

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Your future date should be saying this.

Now, I know not every guy has the expectation that you’ll have sex with him, or get personal with his man parts. There definitely are those guys out there who want to wait to, or who don’t want to rush into anything. They are a rare gem. If you want to wait, be open and up front about it. And go from there. Don’t go up to his apartment and give him the hope of getting into your skivvies if you know already it’s not going anywhere.  He will consider you a tease and most likely will become annoyed. And it’s absolutely ok if you don’t want it to go anywhere. Just be honest and tell him before any hands start to wander.

If you know that it’s not going anywhere, and want to have sex with him, by all means go!

If you want to have sex with him, or don’t care about how the situation turns out either way, please, have fun! You deserve to have some no-strings-attached fun.

Final Thoughts

Do what you feel is right for you. Don’t let anyone tell you to do otherwise, or make you feel uncomfortable. You know yourself better than anyone else and need to trust your instincts.

Check out more from SoMissMatched at her blog, So Miss Matched

Author profile

@SoMissMatched is a 25-year-old serial online dater. She is one of three girls who writes at Somissmatched.com. On her quest for love, her personal motto is “Do it for the Blog.” Her blog documents her misadventures in the world of online dating (and random set ups). She hopes that the lessons she’s learned, and the mistakes she’s made in the world of dating can help other women learn what to do, what not to do, but most importantly, to have fun and be themselves.

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2 Comments

  1. This is a tough one. As a guy, if I ask a girl to come over after a date and she says yes, my assumption is that there is a good chance we are going to have sex. I’ll definitely make a move, but if she stops me and says she isn’t ready for that, I’m OK with that. We’ll finish hanging out and she can go on her way. Assuming I like the girl, I will ask her out again. I won’t stop seeing someone just because they came over and didn’t put out.

  2. I have to disagree. As a guy, I accept that I would be hoping for sex on the 3rd date, but I would be far more disappointed by a kiss on the street than a make out session on my couch. The make out session shows real progress and a good chance I’ll get sex in next date. Sure. it might seem like a tease, but it’s an entertaining tease that makes me want more

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