Alright, ladies! Can you do something for me? I know this may be more challenging for some than others, but adopting this new belief is essential to get asked on dates. Can we all finally agree that it is NOT hard to find love in New York City? That it is NOT hard to have a satisfying dating life and that it is NOT hard to connect to the opposite sex? Trust me, changing your mind about this can change your life and since most of us are looking for love and connection below are my four tips to getting asked on a date – and most likely MANY dates. I have personally adopted and refined these concepts for what led to an exciting and fulfilling dating life of my own, so here goes!
1. Become the person you want to be asked out by.
A wonderful start to not only a fulfilling dating life but also a fulfilling life, in general, is to become the person you want to ask you on a date, aka become attractive. Start a practice of frequently doing the things you would like a future partner to do. Instead of slobbing around in your singleness, go the comedy show that you would love to be invited to by your crush or take the cooking class you one day hope to do with a partner. If you hope to one day go on runs by the Hudson River with your future boyfriend, get yourself outside and on those runs now. Becoming a version of the person you want to date makes you more interesting and attractive while placing you in the position to meet the sorts of people you would like to be asked out by. Stop waiting to live your life until “the one” finds you!
2. Have open energy and drop ALL of your storylines.
Conscientiously and subconsciously we all take on storylines for ourselves and whatever or whoever may surround us. A crucial part of getting asked on a date is being willing to open WAY up and shed storylines about dating that do not serve us. A few stories I see ruin dating lives of women over and over are ones about having a “type”, circumstances for meeting a future lover, and just an underlying belief that “all the good ones are taken” or that you won’t meet anybody. Firstly, type, drop it! Anticipating who you want to be with exactly will scare away all of the opportunities and people you might enjoy but not yet know it. Preferences are fine but be open to getting asked out by all different types of people. After all, how can you know what you like without trying it out first? Next, circumstances for meeting a future lover – anything goes! Don’t let old lines about where or how you are supposed to meet someone taint your dating life. I met my boyfriend whom I love very much at a fratty bar, one month after a breakup. Had I been closed off to meeting someone due to my circumstance I would have missed out on what has become one of the most important relationships of my life. Finally, underlying disbelief that there is someone out there for you. Perhaps you won’t meet the man you want to marry tomorrow, but life is about connection and you could certainly meet a man you could learn from or have positive experiences with now. If you are open to love, you will have love. This disbelief may be operating subconsciously and very subtly so take action and use verbal and written affirmations that you are ready for romance often to end your negative thought patterns. “I am ready for love! I am ready for love!”
3. Be in the practice of dating.
I know you may not be up for going on a mediocre date, but if you’re not getting asked on dates frequently you need to go on some mediocre dates. Here’s the thing, stagnant energy is bad for your dating life, so if it has been six month, a year, two years, or more PLEASE go on a date with anyone! Maybe you need to go online to get the ball rolling, but being in the practice of dating is imperative to finally getting a date where you really do connect or fall in love. And if finding love isn’t incentive enough, consider the other great things. This practice will give you confidence and force you to learn to say no and establish boundaries. Accepting one harmless coffee date with the man from the grocery store line doesn’t mean you have to accept another. On the other side, accepting one harmless date from the man in the grocery store line might mean making a new friend or lover. Be open to all sort of goodness.
4. Send an invitation.
This tip is important, and with all of the above operating this will make you a magnet for getting asked on dates. If you admire chivalry as much as I do, you REALLY do NOT want to do the initiating, but ladies, we must make life a little bit easier for our potential love interests. Here’s what I suggest, send invitations to the men you want to ask you out. These invitations typically come in the form of eye contact, smiles and body language. Whenever I found myself single I would force myself to smile and make eye contact with any man I found attractive and plenty of times this led to him starting a conversation, asking for my number and dates! Why would a man want to ask a woman on a date who wasn’t happy, smiling, and open? Create a welcoming environment within yourself and you will begin to not only meet romantic interests but also to make new friends and business contacts. Another suggestion is to walk to the bathroom when arriving at coffee shops, bars, events or any place you might meet a potential date. Making your presence known in space and giving eye contact and a smile to those that catch your eye may be your ticket to dating and romance.
Good luck and have fun on your adventures in dating! It is my hope that your love life is a satisfying and exciting one and that these four tips will serve you well!
Image courtesy of stock images at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Author Bio photo by Melodie Jeng
Edythe Hughes is a New York City-based artist, mental health advocate and fashion model. Off the runway you can find her in the community helping friends in fashion connect to worthwhile causes via her organization Voices of Fashion, leading a Girl Scout troop, and filling her journal in coffee shops all over NYC.