How many relationships have broken down because of the inability for men and women to see each other as people? “The minute I heard my first love story, I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was.” Rumi.
After 20 years we failed. I had expectations of what a man should be, his expectations was of someone who would stay.
We dreamed of completing each other, we only broke down to our own selves. There was nothing else to be done.
Expectations of what a gender should be like is often displayed by the ignorance of the person. Often we will hear and say, he thinks that way because he is a man/woman.
But does gender have a real role in our thinking process or is it merely an excuse to not dig deeper into our actions and reactions.
Through my entire life I watched my parents and grandparents play the gender identification role.
Men were the bread winners and women played the homemaker and child bearer and raiser.
I strongly suspect that at one time or another we all witnessed these roles. Did anyone however, see each other as anything other than a man and a woman.
What impacts these views have on relationships is fairly obvious.
What problems does this cause
Men are expected to bear the load of any and all problems that may occur. This bearing of the load is suppose be done without emotion.
Without feelings and without sharing. The only acceptable way of handling their problems is through drinking.
Even when a violent man brutalizes his family for many years this was acceptable behavior because of the burdens he bears.
The woman on the other hand is expected to be a manipulator, the finance officer, and as the saying goes chief cook and bottle washer. Most expected of them is emotion, the tears, the screaming fits and the PMS syndrome full-time.
With these ideas it’s no wonder that men and women can’t seem to meet in the middle.
What is the middle? The middle is a point that as people we haven’t developed yet. Be that as it may there is always the love to fall back on.
If love can survive a relationship how does it do that? First the gender identification roles must disappear.
The person that you love should be identified as a person in your own mind. This person will have feelings, emotions, suffer and be impulsive. In there should be a little anger, and a lot of love.
There is no winning to, you did this because you’re a woman or a man. It must be you did this because you are unhappy or whatever, identify the real reason behind someone’s actions.
Then there is the hard core competition “I am woman hear me roar” approach. Far too many women are trying to demonstrate their strength. In doing this they have issues with forcefulness and when and where to apply it.
It is primarily directed at the partner. The show of strength by the woman is often met with anger.
Today, more women are working, taking care of the kids and cooking. There are men who are trying to adapt to this role change is by being active participants. Is this coming at a price?
Are the relationship roles really changing? If they were it could be a sign of human philosophical development?
No, there is in a slight way a social enlightenment toward men and women becoming humans rather than sexes.
Yet we still see the same gender battles appearing in our courts. So, does this mean in some ways we are beginning to go backwards? I find this mixed signals to be very confusing.
What I do know for certain is that in terms of relationships, there can’t be gender identifications. The minute you begin to relate to your mate by gender, the relationship is doomed for failure.
There is beauty in people as people, souls as souls. The complication of you are a woman, I am a man, only adds drama to an already strained situation. Starting a relationship is already fraught with ups and downs.
Maintaining a relationship is one of the hardest things in life you can take on.
There isn’t a single reason to take on more in a relationship that doesn’t positively affect it.
Relationships do involve winning and losing, no matter what our romantic minds are manufacturing.
Relationships can cause pain. Make life a little easier. Men vs. woman is all the way around a losing proposition.
If we are not evolving on a social level, we should try and evolve on a relationship level. So, are we evolving as a people or are we falling back to old times?