• About
  • Connect
  • Services
  • Advertise
  • Urban Dater on Twitter
  • Urban Dater on Facebook
  • Subscribe to the Urban Dater RSS Feed
  • Urban Dater on Instagram
Explore Close
Menu Close

Categories

Dating & RelationshipsOnline DatingTips & AdviceRelationshipsAsidesFor MenSelfSexOpinionFor WomenDates & DetailsFeaturedUncategorizedDate IdeasSpecialAdvertDating SitesNewsQuestions and AnswersDating Apps

Tags

DatingRelationshipsOnline DatingSexloveadvicedating advicedating tipsrelationshipsinglefirst daterelationship adviceromancewomendatesobservationsFor WomenexesFor Menmen

Archives

December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019
  • Online Dating
    • Dating Apps
    • Dates & Details
    • For Women
    • For Men
  • Dating & Relationships
    • Fashion
    • Opinion
    • Self
    • Tips & Advice
  • Ask the Urban Dater
  • Sex
    • Adult Dating
    • BDSM
    • Better Sex
    • LGBTQ
    • Love
    • Sexting
  • Write for Us!
  • About
  • Connect
  • Services
  • Advertise
  • Urban Dater on Twitter
  • Urban Dater on Facebook
  • Subscribe to the Urban Dater RSS Feed
  • Urban Dater on Instagram

the Urban Dater

A Blog About Online Dating, Relationships & Sex

  • Online Dating
    • Dating Apps
    • Dates & Details
    • For Women
    • For Men
  • Dating & Relationships
    • Fashion
    • Opinion
    • Self
    • Tips & Advice
  • Ask the Urban Dater
  • Sex
    • Adult Dating
    • BDSM
    • Better Sex
    • LGBTQ
    • Love
    • Sexting
  • Write for Us!
Close
NextPerspective is Everything.
  • Explore
  • Menu
  • Menu
Dating & Relationships

When it’s Men vs. Women, Everybody Loses

Bill Achola on August 13, 2014
Share This Article
Facebook0Tweet0Pin0

Screenshot 2014-08-13 10.37.15How many relationships have broken down because of the inability for men and women to see each other as people? “The minute I heard my first love story, I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was.” Rumi.

After 20 years we failed. I had expectations of what a man should be, his expectations was of someone who would stay.

We dreamed of completing each other, we only broke down to our own selves. There was nothing else to be done.

Expectations of what a gender should be like is often displayed by the ignorance of the person. Often we will hear and say, he thinks that way because he is a man/woman.

But does gender have a real role in our thinking process or is it merely an excuse to not dig deeper into our actions and reactions.

Through my entire life I watched my parents and grandparents play the gender identification role.

Men were the bread winners and women played the homemaker and child bearer and raiser.

I strongly suspect that at one time or another we all witnessed these roles. Did anyone however, see each other as anything other than a man and a woman.
What impacts these views have on relationships is fairly obvious.

What problems does this cause

Men are expected to bear the load of any and all problems that may occur. This bearing of the load is suppose be done without emotion.

Without feelings and without sharing. The only acceptable way of handling their problems is through drinking.

Even when a violent man brutalizes his family for many years this was acceptable behavior because of the burdens he bears.
The woman on the other hand is expected to be a manipulator, the finance officer, and as the saying goes chief cook and bottle washer. Most expected of them is emotion, the tears, the screaming fits and the PMS syndrome full-time.

With these ideas it’s no wonder that men and women can’t seem to meet in the middle.

What is the middle? The middle is a point that as people we haven’t developed yet. Be that as it may there is always the love to fall back on.

Love

If love can survive a relationship how does it do that? First the gender identification roles must disappear.

The person that you love should be identified as a person in your own mind. This person will have feelings, emotions, suffer and be impulsive. In there should be a little anger, and a lot of love.

There is no winning to, you did this because you’re a woman or a man. It must be you did this because you are unhappy or whatever, identify the real reason behind someone’s actions.

Then there is the hard core competition “I am woman hear me roar” approach. Far too many women are trying to demonstrate their strength. In doing this they have issues with forcefulness and when and where to apply it.

It is primarily directed at the partner. The show of strength by the woman is often met with anger.

Today, more women are working, taking care of the kids and cooking. There are men who are trying to adapt to this role change is by being active participants. Is this coming at a price?

Changing roles?

Are the relationship roles really changing? If they were it could be a sign of human philosophical development?

No, there is in a slight way a social enlightenment toward men and women becoming humans rather than sexes.

Yet we still see the same gender battles appearing in our courts. So, does this mean in some ways we are beginning to go backwards? I find this mixed signals to be very confusing.

What I do know for certain is that in terms of relationships, there can’t be gender identifications. The minute you begin to relate to your mate by gender, the relationship is doomed for failure.

There is beauty in people as people, souls as souls. The complication of you are a woman, I am a man, only adds drama to an already strained situation. Starting a relationship is already fraught with ups and downs.

Maintaining a relationship is one of the hardest things in life you can take on.
There isn’t a single reason to take on more in a relationship that doesn’t positively affect it.

Relationships do involve winning and losing, no matter what our romantic minds are manufacturing.

Relationships can cause pain. Make life a little easier. Men vs. woman is all the way around a losing proposition.

If we are not evolving on a social level, we should try and evolve on a relationship level. So, are we evolving as a people or are we falling back to old times?

Signup for Our Newsletter

Get Us in Your Inbox!

Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox…
Follow @theurbandater



Like this:

Like Loading...
Share This Article
Facebook0Tweet0Pin0
  • Posted in: Dating & Relationships
  • Tagged in: advice, Dating, Online Dating, pursuit of love, single

Posted by Bill Achola

Bill is the author and creator of www.promagicofmakingup.co.uk. His blog focuses on dating advice and relationships tips that will help you manage your love positively. If you want to get more in-depth dating tips, i'd advice that you visit his blog. Check out his popular article about: The Metalica Guide on How to Get Your EX Back (Even If Your Situation Seems Hopeless!)

All Posts Website

Related

Leave a comment Hide comments

Leave a Comment! Cancel reply

Popular

  • 8 Things to Say to Your Ex Who You Still Love
  • Seven Things You Should Be Looking For By The Fifth Date
  • Men Who Give You Their Number Instead of Taking Yours. ~ Group Post.
  • A Girl doesn’t Text Back – Use These Texts Instead Of leaving Her Alone
  • What to Say to a Girl You Just Met
  • Why Does He Want to be Friends if He Doesn’t Want to Date You?
  • 3 Questions To Ask Yourself After 3 Months of Dating
  • Letters to Lovers Lost
  • 10 Signs to Suspect an Office Romance
  • What You Need To Know If You’re BF’s A Doc

Signup for Our Newsletter

Online Dating, Sex and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox...
Follow @theurbandater

Previous
Perspective is Everything.
August 7, 2014
Next
7 of the Best and Most Steamy Escort Novels
August 14, 2014

Let’s Socialize

  • Urban Dater on Twitter
  • Urban Dater on Facebook
  • Subscribe to the Urban Dater RSS Feed
  • Urban Dater on Instagram

General Bullshit

  • About
  • Disclosure Statement
  • Legal
  • Guest Posting
  • Terms and Conditions for Contributors

Archives by Month

© 2019 the Urban Dater by DigiSavvy, Inc. — Proudly Hosted on WP Engine —
  • Urban Dater on Twitter
  • Urban Dater on Facebook
  • Subscribe to the Urban Dater RSS Feed
  • Urban Dater on Instagram
Dating & Relationships

When it’s Men vs. Women, Everybody Loses

by Bill Achola time to read: 3 min
Dating & Relationships A Girl doesn’t Text Back – Use These Texts…
Dating & Relationships No Chemistry? Get Out of Your Own Way
    0
    %d bloggers like this: