Breakups are hard aren't they? You think about all the time you guys spent together? The good, the bad and the ugly. All the memories and experiences you guys created over how many years. You guys even talked about getting married and plans for the future… the number of children, baby names and all that. And then it's all gone…just like that. Now all you can think about is the pain and heartache you feel every day. I know you can relate to this story… and you are not alone. There are lots of people going through a heartache with no clue on how to get over it. Not to worry. This article is going to help you get off your ass and bring you back to life… literally. So here are seven tips or advice to help you bounce back after a nasty break up.
1. It is okay to grieve and vent
You want to cry, go ahead. Whoever said crying, especially after a breakup is for pussies is a big idiot. Here is a research on Lifehacker on the benefits of crying. Basically it says that emotional tears helps you let go of baggage and end suffering. Here is a quote from Dr. Judith Orloff, where she talks about the emotional tears and why it’s good for you.
Crying makes us feel better, even when a problem exists. In addition to physical detoxification, emotional tears heal the heart. So let those tears roll. Give yourself time to grieve and heal properly. Let it rain. Nobody is going to judge and even if they do then that’s their business.
Another thing you can do is to vent or rant. Have a friend or buddy whose sole job is to be your go to rant body. Make sure it’s not someone who will hold it over you and make you feel worse.
Get it out. Get it out of your system completely. This is the first step to healing.
2. Get them out completely from your life
Remember when you told your ex, that you guys can still be friends? That’s rubbish and it does not work. You guys broke up for a reason right? It did not work out when you guys were together, right? So what makes you think you can still be friends with her and it’s going to work magically be okay.
3. Get rid of everything that reminds you of them.
This is really important now when there are so many contact points online. Remember it is all about having a fresh start. So get them off Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, Instagram, BBM, Skype, Whatsapp… all of them.
4. Do something new
This might sound cliché or boring but it truly works. Here is why it works. When you are in a relationship, you barely have time for other things. Why? Because you spend all the free time you had with your partner. Now all of a sudden, you have so much free time on your hands. Believe me, you need something to occupy your mind. The loneliness part is really tricky and is the hard part. This is the time where a lot of weird and crazy things happen after a breakup. Check out some crazy stories of what people have done after a bad breakup. (http://metro.co.uk/2015/10/29/12-batsht-crazy-things-people-have-done-after-a-breakup-5466430/ You don’t want to be like those guys. So get something new to do. No matter how trivial or boring it might seem just do it. I do not have a list of things to suggest to you. Simply do a Google search and you will be overwhelmed with the list. Simply pick one and get it on.
5. Paint her in a bad light
Now before you jump on IG or Facebook and write a very long and detailed posting cussing your girlfriend out… hear me out. That’s not what this point is about. Instead, it’s something you do ALONE. No one has to hear or see what you wrote. I call it the Ex Cleansing Ritual. Remember when you guys were together, you guys had beautiful memories and experiences. You can still remember the way she smiles, smells and the exact way her butt looks in those jeans. With such beautiful memories, it's going to take a very long time getting her out of your systems. Here is what you can do instead. Think of all the negative qualities she ever had and dwell on them. For example, she always made a funny sound when laughing and you hated it. Or she had a constant habit of always talking too much (I know right). The objective here is to get her off that pedestal which you placed her on. When you do this you start to notice that she is human after all and can be easily replaced.
6. Hit the gym and workout
No… you are not going to get huge muscles and look like the hulk. But exercise really helps especially after a breakup. Here is an article by the folks at daily burn talking about the benefits of exercising after a breakup and here is 7 reasons why exercising is the cure for a broken heart.
To summarize here is what they said
• It helps you push through the situations when you feel like giving up
• It gives you something productive to do
• It makes you look hotter… really
• It releases endorphins which make you happy.
• It forces you to take care of yourself.
• Also, who knows you just might meet hot women at the gym
7. Detach and replace the emotional high they gave you
One thing about being in a relationship is that you have someone to talk to. And she knows you really well and compliments you. For example, she was the only one that really understood you and made you feel better every time. Or whenever you had a bad day at work, she was the only one that could lift your spirits. Or she was the one that really liked that red shirt that everybody hated. But you get my point right? She was the only one that could give you your daily dose of emotional high.
Now what you need to do is to detach yourself from those emotional highs and replace them with new ones. So instead of waiting for her to be the one give you your daily compliments, find something to do to replace them. For example exercising can be your source of new emotional high. Or writing or meditating or something as simple as rewarding yourself. Whatever it is you need to replace it with new ones and get yourself back on track.
8. Look at the experience as a gift
Everything happens for a reason right? Probably But you need to look at the experience as a learning experience. What are some positive things you learned? Has it made you a better person?
It should have cos now you know what to do and what not to do. You have life lessons learned.
Take them to heart and be a better person
Getting over your ex is not easy. And it does not happen immediately
It’s a continuous process. It might take months to even years before you can completely be over the person. But one thing you have to know is that time heals. By following the points listed above you should be on your way to getting over your ex and starting a fresh life.
Uche is just a regular guy who talks about dating and relationships advice at www.gethereasily.com. He blogs about tips that help regular Joes turn into guys that women simply love.