Not so long ago, people met through proximity, friends, and family. In the 90’s, dating started shifting to the internet. First, it was Craigslist and AOL Chartrooms; then there came match.com and kiss.com.
Mobile dating went main strain about six years ago. Last year, it was reported that nearly 100 million people were looking for partners through dating apps.
The question is, how well do dating apps work? Are people able to get from them what they want?
According to research, the success in dating apps depends on what it is someone is looking for: is it just to hook up or casual sex, to date casually or date as a way of looking for a relationship?
Many people report to have had a lot of luck hooking up but no much luck with dating or finding relationships. Further, many people report that it is much harder finding potential partners on dating apps than they expected.
“It only has to work once, theoretically. But it feels like you have to do a lot of swiping to get one good date”.
The negatives of dating apps
A 2016 research revealed that 49% of people who message on dating apps never receive a response. Imagine matching with 20 people, and none of them ever says anything. Despite the number of dating apps out there and the millions of people using the dating apps, the average age of marriage for women is 27 years, up from 21 for the last few years while the average for men is 29, up from 23. While dating apps are amazing resources, they have also complicated the dating scene.
Dating apps are overwhelming
The brain is not designed to choose between hundreds or thousands of alternatives.
Okpid indicates that the average looking woman receives about 100 messages online per month. This woman will read each of these messages, decide who she wants to respond to, conduct her own search, and reach out to new potential suitors. This is practically overwhelming. One Tinder user captured it ad follows “…… swiping and swiping through thousands of potential matches and having little to show for it”.
Fun fact: the average online dater spends 12 hours a week in online dating.
Dating apps give you the illusion of countless potential matches.
Only 5 percent of American adults in marriages or committed relationships say that their relationships begin in an app.
With so many options, the internet gives you the illusion that you have a huge pool of potential partners to choose from. Also, you start believing that you are a hot commodity. While this may or may not be true, there is the risk of your eliminating someone who is an excellent match for you because you have countless offers in your queue.
Chemistry cannot be measured by scan and swipe. Chemistry requires face – to face interaction because it is a neurochemical process that is occurring and it requires us to use five senses to interpret social cues.
What you see is not what you get
How much honesty is in the dating services? People know that they will be judged by that photo and the information that they provide. The result; information that is substantially exaggerated or grossly misrepresented. Consider the following statistics:
- 54% of online daters felt that someone had seriously misrepresented themselves in their profile.
- 31% percent of online daters reported inaccurate information about their weight, height or age. Other details that people lie about include income and sexuality
You might have a great texting conversation on a dating – app for the longest time, only to later find that the person is only a great conservationist when they have time to think and craft the perfect response. Can you ever live up to your breezy Tinder Bio?
You met all your friends through real-life experiences; so why wouldn’t meeting a partner happen in the same organic way?
Dating – apps are good for hookups and casual sex.
There is a general belief that dating apps are only for hookups but not for serious relationships. A recent survey revealed that 51.5% of daters said that they believed Tinder was designed for hooking up, 33.5% indicated that it is for dating and 15% for meeting people. One dater stated that tinder took them from monogamy to casual sex.
Dating apps provide people with an endless choices, which has cheapened the dating process. Dating apps have become associated with casual flings over meaningful long-term relationships. Even for those individuals who might join dating apps for more noble reasons, the power and ease of swiping have stopped them from forming a relationship with someone they otherwise might have given a chance if they met in person.
You always think there is someone better on the next swipe. Even when you reach out to a person, after your one okay date you might get straight back to Tinder without giving the person a second date.
If you are looking for a serious relationship, dating apps may not be for you. Why don’t you try getting off the apps for some time and reacquaint yourself with face to face connection? Finding somebody offline is easier than it looks. A 2016 survey revealed that 88% of Americans who had been with their spouse for five years said that they met their partner offline.
When you are not re-writing and overthinking every response, an authentic conversation happens, and you meet the true unedited versions of each other.
The amount of time and energy you invest in online dating does not equal your success in finding a match. On the other hand, offline dating is integrated into your daily routine; it is not another item on your to-do list. You can attract and engage someone as you go about your day.
Just because it seems like everyone you know has an account doesn’t mean you must have one too. If they are not working for you, be different and test the advantages of face to face connection. Dating apps are not the only option. All the time you are swiping left and right could be spent out meeting new people at coffee shops or bookstores, or wherever you like to hang out.
Christopher created the website RedesigningTheMind.com to get to the bottom of our relationship with ourselves and how the world sees us. He has a Advanced Diploma in Social Science and a Graduate Diploma in Technology Education. In his free time he enjoys spending time with his young family and if he’s really lucky you can find him in the garden.