When was the last time you rolled into a date with a suitcase full of notes?
Do you usually walk into a date with a 12 font, Arial, Single Spaced Page of all the things that make you tick. The ones that resonate past time the cheque comes. That is, the qualities you want in a partner, and not necessarily a streamlined delineation, of how to conduct a mysterious affair (whatever that even means), or what movie you watched while you were contemplating almost cancelling this date.
I think we lie to ourselves when we walk into dates. Oftentimes, we are running on scripts formed by outside influences and past lovers. We are not always sure of our preferences. I can say this confidently because almost everyone is either looking too just hook-up, or find their in between. So we walk the thin line between this spectrum, trying not to upset the other party and all the while, more often than not, settling for less.
There is nothing wrong with settling when you lean a bit more on the practical side of decision making. However, for the ones who look beyond the horizon, far and near, we speak from our experience when we say that we will never settle. Even when it comes to finding the perfect person, how much of that person can you take in? How much of their humanness is too much? How many times can you tell yourself them being late 5 minutes every time you make plans won't be a problem? This minutiae still matters to me because it is heavily influenced by the Big Picture: What do you mean when you say you want a partner?
You see, there is OUR list, and then there is THEIR list, and then there is the inter-lapping circle, just like the one you see in a Venn Diagram. Some people have so much in there the whole diagram looks like a Peachy Bottom. Others can stack up their entire generational storyline and still only come up with one or two words. I would argue that you don't get to find out who your muse is until you go through the terrain of that Inter-lap. A muse is not exactly someone who comes in plain sight, yells from the sidelines and cajoles you into letting them be your divine inspiration. The same principle applies to your partner. When you say you want a partner, you must be specific that it has to be someone who can be your muse.
I can go an entire coffee date without telling the other person how badly I wished I majored in Theatre and English, how my novel has been in the works for exactly 10 years, and how every audition I lookup sounds like something I can't do. That would be plain awkward. However, in the back of my head, I know what I want in a partner is a muse. So the first thing I do in looking for the inter-lap is look for ways my partner can be my muse. I don't think anyone has told you this before.
You can have both!!