Have you ever been totally into a guy that you just met, only to find out days or weeks later that he's not nearly as interested in you as he made it seem?
Today I’m going to show you how to spot a player.
First thing that you need to know is that there are two types of players:
1. Guys who are completely open and honest about what they're looking for.
These guys are easy to spot… you just have to ask them what they're looking for in a relationship.
Usually, they'll be very upfront with you. They'll say things like…
“I'm not looking for anything serious. I just want something casual.”
“I'm just looking to have fun. I don't want a relationship right now.”
And if you date a guy like this thinking this is going to change… it won't. I think I've talked about this before and I know I'll talk about it again.
If you date these guys, it's your own fault. They're willing to be upfront with you. You need to listen to what they say.
The guys you need to really worry about is the second type…
2. Guys who lie, conceal, and manipulate to get you into bed with them.
Both of these guys have one thing in common… they know how to make you want them.
I'll tell you how to spot the second type of guy in a moment. First, I feel like I need to share something with you:
Most men are NOT players. If you think that most men are players, that's because most of the men you are into are probably players.
In fact, most guys have NO IDEA what to say or do to make you attracted to them.
How do I know? I used to be a men's dating coach.
I also read a statistic once that said the average man has less than 6 sexual partners in his lifetime.
It means that there are a few men (like porn stars) who have slept with a LOT of women… But that most guys have had sex with so few women that they can count it on one hand.
I also know men on both extremes. Guys who have had thousands of sexual partners and guys who are in their 30's and still virgins.
Why is this important?
I just don't want you categorizing ALL men into the player category. A lot of women have this fantasy of the men they're dating going out and hooking up with other women whenever they want to.
The reality is that they might WANT others to THINK they can do this… but very, very few men actually have this ability.
And for most men, it simply isn't worth it to learn this skill. It literally takes years of going out and talking to thousands of women to get anywhere close to having this ability.
For most guys, it's too much effort on something that isn't important to them.
Alright, let's talk about how to spot a sneaky, manipulative player, shall we?
Since there ARE men who are players and you DO need to watch out for them, this is very important.
When I was a men's dating coach, I met some of the most skillful players in the world. Guys who pick up women as a hobby… guys who pick up women as a profession.
And do you know what I determined?
Many of the things that would make someone a great long-term partner, these guys DIDN'T possess.
In fact, the things that you're probably the most attracted to aren't any of the things that make a guy a good potential mate.
How does this help you spot a player? Simple:
As a woman, you have some level of intuition about whether a guy is being genuine or not.
If you ignore this intuition because you feel so attracted to a guy that you really want to make it work out, you set yourself up for failure every time.
Or worse, you fall in love with a guy's potential…
“He'd be so perfect, if only he…”
This is a recipe for disaster.
If you meet a guy who seems perfect, take a step back for a moment. Listen to your intuition. Be real with yourself…
Are you ignoring any red flags that you should pay attention to?
And if you're with a guy because of who he COULD BE some day in the future, stop lying to yourself. You're settling.
Players aren't looking to settle down and have a real relationship. I know MANY of these guys. They don't even understand WHY other men would WANT to be in a relationship.
Or they're broken and aren't willing to deal with that area of their life right now. And you're more likely to win the lottery four times in one year than you are to change his mind about what he wants.
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO FIX HIM. He's NEVER going to decide that you're so awesome that he needs to fix himself for you.
It's just very unlikely.
He needs to do this on his own. And if you're giving him everything he needs (sexually, emotionally, etc.), he won't have any motivation to get it together for you.
So, here's the point:
Don't date a broken man with the hope of who he will be some day. And pay attention to your intuition. Look for red flags and don't ignore them because of how attracted you are to him.
The things that make you attracted to him aren't the same things that make him a good potential mate.
What do you think? Do you have any other ways to spot a player?
Matthew Coast helps women who are struggling with finding the right guy to find their soulmate and get into a committed relationship with him.
If you'd like to get advice about how to get into a committed relationship, visit him at the Commitment Connection.