Zen and the Art of Dating
It’s difficult to let go of the outcomes and “live in the moment” as they say. But, what’s most important is that we try. When it comes to dating, we experience a lot of disappointments and failures and that doesn’t add to our state of Zen. We start to worry about our future and focus on our ego. For example:
“I can’t believe he cheated on me, I’ll never find the right guy.”
“Why did she reject me? Am I that terrible of a person?”
When these miserable events happen in our dating lives, how do we remain positive and in the moment? Let me try and give you some pointers to help with that.
YOU ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS
I will not take credit. That is a statement from the author Eckhart Tolle who preaches about living in the now. His books have opened my eyes to a whole new meaning of the phrase “living in the moment.” Our brains have a whole mess of garbage that it likes to tell us every day. Whether it’s that we have to worry about a future circumstance, a past mishap, or just daily nonsense. The fact of the matter is that it’s not real. It’s only your thoughts. Eckhart tells us that time isn’t real and that we worry too much about events that have already occurred or that might occur in the future. The only real thing in this world is this present moment. As you read this blog post, you are more alive than ever. Everything that actually happens is happening right at this very moment. So, the next time you start to worry about whether your current relationship will last or about the time you got rejected at the bar, wipe those thoughts away and focus on the “right now.”
STAY OUTCOME INDEPENDENT
That reads exactly how you think it reads; be independent of your outcomes. Men feel anxious about whether or not they’ll get a woman’s number or wonder exactly when the next time they’ll have sex. These thoughts are like a virus in your brain that will replicate and eventually take over your whole body. Once you become a slave to your outcomes, your focus is shot and it will be harder to achieve your goals. Women see right through the anxiety and nervousness, which are unattractive and unconfident traits. The outcomes that you dwell on will lead you astray from what you desire. Instead, have fun! That’s a prescription that the date doctor is ordering. Try and let go of future projections and enjoy the process of dating and meeting new people. Once you do that, the sex, girlfriends and boyfriends will come faster than you can imagine.
Studies have shown that meditation is extremely calming to the body and mind. So what does meditation have to do with dating? First, meditation keeps you present and focused. Dating can cause a lot of anxiety for people. Maybe you are nervous to flirt with someone or you haven’t been out in the scene for a while. Second, meditating before a date or any stressful event can help you relax. My advice is to do it 5-10 minutes everyday. It’s can be difficult at times, but the more you partake the easier it will become.
When it’s all said and done, dating and mating sometimes isn’t the easiest task. But, in the long run you have to remember to not over think it. Enjoy the fleeting moments when you meet someone new. Stop and smell the roses that your new date may hand you. Don’t go into it with a concrete goal and enjoy the process. In the words of Ferris Bueller, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it.”
Tripp is a dating coach for men in Los Angeles, California. Through years of his own field experience, Tripp has been able to identify what it takes to flirt, attract and create a successful relationship with a woman. His company TrippAdvice focuses on confidence, attraction, texting, flirting, fashion and lifestyle management. On Tripp's free time he likes to hang out with his girlfriend and her cat.
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