Photo by @shellterell

I'll set the stage: 

MAN is in marketing. WOMAN is starting out as a writer. They have met once. WOMAN mentions that her manuscript has been requested by an agent. Man asks to read it. WOMAN says she isn't looking for any input. Man assures her he wouldn't do that.

WOMAN doesn't give him it anyway; it's erotica and he's only going to use it as wank fodder. They both know that.

MAN: (in lashings and lashings of ginger beer voice) I know! I have to read that…she said she didn't want input but maybe she just needs to see how great my input is! Why don't I email her with a load of ideas about how she could write it better? On planet WTF this is called being helpful and gives her a chance to see how knowledgeable I am!

WOMAN: I know this is well meant and you're just enthused about the project and full of ideas. But, you know that right now it's in the hands of an agent deciding to reject or not. This all just makes me think they'll find reasons it's not ready to go to a publisher.

MAN: Does she not see how helpful and impressive I am?! I know, I'll send her another email!…I could just apologise…No wait! I have a much better idea! I'll offer some suggestions how she could make that pitch she's already done better! AND I can wangle in an idea of how she can get reader feedback (I haven't asked if she already has done that but that's a mere detail!). She's bound to let me read her wank lit then!

WOMAN: Delete.

(a few days later)

MAN: Gosh, I don't know why she hasn't replied. What do you think Rover?

ROVER (MAN'S DOG): Arf, arf, arf!

MAN: You're right Rover! I should text her and tell her how much I liked her last blog post! Then she'll see what a good reader I am and how positive my feedback will be!

ROVER: Arf, arf, arf!

MAN: Golly, Rover, you're right! It's half past midnight! She'll definitely see how enthusiastic I am about her work if I send a message late at night!

WOMAN: And….another one for the blog.

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Posted by Nicola Jane

Nicola Jane online dated a lot while she was editing her Choose Your Own Adventure erotica novel, Follow Your Fantasy with Harper Impulse. Fortunately (or unfortunately) the book ended up a lot more rewarding but the dates made satisfying blog pieces. Nicola has just Met Someone but she remembers her online dating year fondly...if fondly includes writing up the no-hopers. She snarks like the English, dates like Americans but lunches like the Spanish.

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