Why I’m Quitting Tinder

I started Tinder just like so many else, with the hope of meeting someone
special. He didn’t have to be the one. I just wanted to meet someone who genuinely excited me. At first, Tinder seemed like a good way of meeting men without going to bars. I’m not a big bar person and out of the few men I ever met at a bar, most had a liking for alcohol, a bit too much for my taste.

With Tinder, I could pick men from the comfort of my own home, and with me being a bit more clearheaded and the pool of men being a lot bigger, I expected the result to be better. There were a lot of men to choose from. At first, I thought my age would be a problem (36), but that didn’t seem to matter. I got a lot of matches.

With Tinder, I could pick men from the comfort of my own home, and with me being a bit more clearheaded and the pool of men being a lot bigger, I expected the result to be better. There were a lot of men to choose from. At first, I thought my age would be a problem (36), but that didn’t seem to matter. I got a lot of matches.

Tinder for Men

There are many more men than women on tinder to start with, the difference can be as big as 80 percent men and 20 percent women according to this article. The same article also states that the average women on tinder get twenty more matches than the average man, and even more depressing, to get one woman to respond a man has to

Even if this statistic doesn’t exactly match the tinder statistic for the area in the world where you are sweeping, this information can be good to keep in mind. Be nice, guys don’t have it easy on tinder.

Swiping, Swiping and Swiping

During the year I spent on tinder I swiped no to at least 2000 men. (No
exaggeration for effect here, I did a quick calculation). I assumed the men in all those blurry pictures weren’t interested in the same thing as me.

I swiped yes to nice-looking men with at least five different pictures and at the minimum a short funny introduction. For research purposes, I tried swiping yes to some men with no introduction. But it soon turned out that their communication contained as much substance as their tinder presentation. (It was non-existent.)

My Dates

I chatted with more than 100 men; this was truly as time-consuming as it sounds. Especially since many of those men loved to send messages daily, but didn’t seem as excited about the thought of a real meeting. To deal with this problem I added to the profile text that I preferred to meet up for a cup of coffee, in front of endless chats.

I met up with around 30 men. Surprisingly they were all nice, seemed
reasonable normal and even though the reality of their looks never was as good as their pictures, their personality was intact. When the initial nervousness had evaporated the conversations flowed and I enjoyed meeting so many different kinds of people. I went on long walks, tried out restaurants I wouldn’t have tried otherwise, and visited a couple of museums and countless bars and coffee shops.

I kissed five of the chosen men. Just to try out exactly how much chemistry we had.

I had sex with two of them.

And maybe this is a coincidence, but the sex was not good. Not even close to the amazing sex I was hoping for after all my sweeping and chatting and dating. I don’t think I can pin this disappointment on an app. But guys,
seriously, take some time, read up a bit on the subject at least. It’s not enough to only use just one instrument to make the show work if you know what I mean. How about some actual foreplay and maybe using your hands. Most women do not orgasm from penetration alone.

All future partners will thank you.

There was actually one man I really wanted to meet again (none of the ones
I had sex with). He hasn’t gotten back to me. Joe if you read this; I’m still waiting for our sushi dinner.

The reason we don’t meet the right person is often that we simply don’t meet enough people. We move around in our ordinary life, work with the same colleagues, do our hobbies, hang out with friends. On a daily basis, we are just not interacting with enough possible people for a good match. In this aspect Tinder is a real game-changer, you can have three dates in a week, three new exciting guys you wouldn’t have met otherwise. Heck, you can have 30 dates in a week. Only your mental health sets the limit.

Tinder Works

People do meet on Tinder. I know this. We all know this. My sister met her boyfriend, soon to be the father of her child, on tinder. Neither of them is a crazy serial dater, just two genuine people looking for love. It happens all the time. The success stories are endless in my circle of friends.

So now you probably wonder why I’m quitting, all this sounds pretty great, although exhausting.

Tinder ultimately made me a worse person. All those success stories, yeah, I was happy for their sake, but it also made me think that there was something fundamentally wrong with me.

I started feeling like Tinder and the universe owed me something. I amped up my effort. Every success story made me log into my account, made me sweep, chat, meet. I became one of those purple-haired, chain-smoking, women gamblers you see in Las Vegas, constantly pulling the arm. Only I
wasn’t addicted to the one-armed bandit, I was addicted to Tinder. I kept swiping, always chatting, always having several new dates coming up.

My hopefulness stayed intact. Every nice photo, every late-night conversation, was enough to get me dreaming. And every first date was (usually) enough to shatter my dreams.

Why I Finally Quit

After a couple of months, tinder became a chore. I could still feel the gambler's joy, but that bolt of adrenaline was quickly suppressed by dread. I ignored my dismay and kept pushing.

Unfortunately, this stubbornness brought forward another unwanted side effect. I became a cynic. On Tinder, you have to deal with the lazy and sometimes outright crazy sides of humankind. Creepy messages, unwanted pictures or just the classic ghosting. I had my fair share of canceled dates, unanswered messages, I even received my first (of many) dick pics! What's more terrifying, this behavior started to rub off on me. (Well, not the sending of unrequested pictures.).

In the beginning, I had promised myself to behave as I would in the real world, with people I actually had to look in the eyes. I wowed to give closure, to answer all messages, to be honest about what wasn’t working for me. But slowly the Tinder ethics got a grip of me. I just couldn’t keep up. I became nonchalant. When I wasn’t happy with the reply I just unmatched.

Tinder also made me increasingly lazy to pursue other venues. I said no to fun social activities because it was easier to stay in bed with my tinder and my dreams. I never worked up the courage to talk with the cute guy in my local coffee shop. I didn’t force myself to be brave. I always had a new exciting tinder date coming up.

What made me take the final step?

Tinder also made me increasingly lazy to pursue other venues. I said no to fun social activities because it was easier to stay in bed with my tinder and my dreams. I never worked up the courage to talk with the cute guy in my local coffee shop. I didn’t force myself to be brave. I always had a new exciting tinder date coming up.

It was one particular date, my first really bad tinder date. At the beginning of my foray, I would have just had a laugh, told a couple of friends and moved on.

He seemed normal, even funny, over text. We meet at a local bar and settled in for a glass of wine. He spent the first half of the date talking about his exercise regime. He preferred heavy weightlifting followed by a 30-minute run. I suppressed my yawning. At least the wine was good. The second half of the date he talked about the online shop selling fake Rolex’s he was going to set up. I asked if it wasn’t illegal to sell fake goods, but he managed to ignore that question, as well as everything else I was saying.

He started texting me already when I was walking home. Not only one text, but several, he wanted to know what I really thought about him. He begged me to be honest because he was the kind of man that doesn’t have a problem with feedback. Before I had time to answer he send me another message saying he was constantly working on improving himself.

I replied that he was indeed nice (I didn’t have the energy to give him honest feedback), but that I didn’t feel the spark. A line I admittedly had used before.

He texted me that I was not his type anyway. I keep walking. I got a second text, he just wanted to let me know that I would become really hot if I started working out.

I do work out, which he would have found out if he had asked me any questions. And after that, he sends me one more message asking if I wanted to buy a watch. A Rolex.

Not only did I unmatch him.

I deleted the app.