How to Separate the Men from the Boys

Why is it that all good intentions you have before embarking on the dating scene again seem to go to pot when you finally meet a guy?

After a bad break-up, we all make ourselves promises of ‘never again’ and ‘the next guy will have this or that’. But when your friends are getting hitched, or announcing their pregnancies on social media, it can be difficult to stick to your dating principles instead of just settling for the next single guy with a pulse.

Let’s look at some of the traits that separate the real men from the boys. After all, so many of us end up having to deal with them, regardless of their age!

Career ambitions

Let’s face it: we’re not all going to end up with the guy who has the Docklands Penthouse suite and American Express Centurion card. However, we can make a decision to choose a man who not only has career ambitions (whether that’s to buy the penthouse suite, or own the family farm), but also has a realistic plan to reach his goals.

Men know where they want to be in life and have a strategy to get there. Boys float along, hoping and expecting career opportunities to fall in their laps.

Attitudes to women

Is your partner the kind of guy who rants about ‘women drivers’ or laughs at female footballers? Your fella’s attitude to our sex says a lot about his levels of respect for you and women in society.

Now, I’m not saying he has to be a bra-burning feminist, but he should be mature enough to see that men and women are equal. After all, how can you expect him to have any respect for you, when he sees women as the weaker sex?

If you think your boyfriend is one of these guys, it’s time to be assertive and wave bye-bye.

Keeping calm

Testosterone does funny things to man’s body. Not only does it cause them to take grow beards and take risks; it also causes them to have a shorter temper.

Learning to control anger is one of the key strengths a man has over a boy. Being able to keep calm in a stressful situation not only prevents PlayStation controllers from being hammered into the stud wall, but also prevents you and him from having a fall-out.

It goes without saying that you should never stay with an aggressive partner. Real men can control anger and channel it into other areas, sports for example.

Flirt alert

Does he chat up the waitress or obviously ogle women on television? That’s not cool, and it’ll make you feel self-conscious too. A respectful boyfriend will not obviously eye up talent on the high street, nor will he compare you to his exes, or friends’ girlfriends either.

Men and women react differently to flirting. If you meet an attractive, single guy, you are more likely to work harder to make your relationship work. Guys on the other hand are more likely to see their partners in a negative light after meeting an attractive woman. Charming! But at least you know it’s not personal!

Unless your guy is Bradley Cooper, you can bet your bottom dollar there are plenty of men you could be eyeing up too. A respectful man won’t flirt with other women, whereas a boy, who doesn’t understand respect (or consequences), won’t understand.

He shows emotion

A real man is able to cry in front of you and not feel as though he has to make excuses. If he can be honest and talk about his feelings, showing true emotion, you’re on to a winner.

He has confidence in you

Your man should inspire you to go for that promotion, or train for the half-marathon. Why? Because he has the confidence in you to achieve your own goals. A real man will help you create a plan so you can be the best you, you can be.

Whereas a boy might not care if your career isn’t going the way you want it to, a man will help you plan your escape from your current position, and help you build the career you deserve.

We, not I

When he talks about the future, he doesn’t use ‘I’, he says ‘we’. When we buy a house, or when we’re older. There’s nothing more off-putting than a guy who is just all about himself. A real man is always thinking about the future and including you in it too.

You can’t change a boy into a man, but you do have the power to choose whether or not to stay in a relationship. You deserve to be with someone who shares the same values and ideals as you. Don’t waste your time on boys with immature attitudes, when you could be with a real man who knows how to treat an independent and confident woman like you.