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Dating Red Flags: When What You Think You Want Isn’t What You Really Want

is that what you really wanted
is that what you really wanted

Whether you have written it down and locked it up in your diary under your pillow or just rolling around in your head, you probably have a list of what you are looking for in a man. But what happens if what you think you want isn’t actually what you want? Here are some man-scenarios and how their seemingly great characteristic can eventually leave you with a bad taste in your mouth.

  • The Joke-meister
    I would venture to guess that more than 90% of women are looking for a guy that’s funny. However, be careful that you distinguish between a guy who’s funny and a jokester. A jokester is the guy who throws out one-liners all night, tells knock-knock jokes, and thinks he’s the funniest guy on the planet. This may be entertaining and attractive for one night, maybe two, but I guarantee you will get tired of it pretty soon. Also, if a guy can’t be serious it makes you wonder if he’s hiding some massive issues behind his joke-heavy behavior.
  • The Family Man
    This one may seem a little odd, but bear with me! We want a man who is close with his family because that means family is one of his core values. Since most of us want to start families of our own, this is extremely attractive. However, be wary of just how close he is with his family. Do they weigh in on every decision he makes? Do they like you and do you like them? If there is friction between you and his family, it could spell disaster. Don’t get me wrong, a guy who values family is a diamond-in-the-rough, just keep your eyes wide open as to just how close he and his family are.
  • The Attentive Dude
    If you’ve had a relationship go south because your man didn’t give you enough attention, you probably put “attentive” at the top of your new checklist. We love to feel wanted and special. However, feeling spoiled with attention and affection can quickly turn into feeling smothered. No one wants a clingy man or to feel like you are his entire life. He needs to get his own and let you be a part of it!
  • Mr. Money Bags
    We all want to find our true love….it’s an added bonus if he’s richer than Bill Gates. A guy who is very successful can be a great provider for you – a financial provider, that is. Most people who have found their way to the top of the success ladder had to sacrifice many things along the way. Investing time with friends and family, and cultivating hobbies often fall way behind their pursuit of career advancement. They are okay with working 80 to 90 hours a week, obsessing over work, and throwing other people under the bus to get ahead. Is that really the kind of guy you want to spend your life with, rich or not?

The basic rule of thumb when evaluating how any man stacks up against your list is to keep your eyes wide open. Almost any characteristic can be turned into a negative if it is taken to the extreme. It’s easy to see your man through rose-colored glasses, but make a choice to see him for who he truly is! Your decision might save you a lot of heartache down the road.

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  1. Love this post! I've met every guy under the son, and a lot of them fell into these categories. A guy who tried to introduce me to his parents on the second date, several guys bragging about how much money they have constantly, all night.

    Don't get me wrong, having a lot of dough is a big plus (more shoes for me), but you shouldn't be throwing it out there all night like it defines you.

    Lennie Ross http://lennierosswrites.com

  2. I'm a dating coach and when people first come to me they often don't understand why they can't succeed in their love life. 99% of the time it is because what they think they want, and what they actually need are two very different things. Thanks for the post!

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