So this is a brief, but fun entry that I think is aptly titled “Famous Last Words.” It's no secret that over the years I've probably said a great many things to not get myself laid. It's second nature to me, really. So I'm providing a small collection of things that, if said, will probably not get you laid regardless of your sexual inclinations.
A couple of these (no not all of them!) I've said to horrific effect. I could let you guess what things I did say… But I'm not gonna. I'm sure the general opinion of my dating prowess is already pretty low on the suck-scale-of-doom. So I'll tell you that I did attempt my Yoda/Chewbacca beat box performance on one date… There wasn't a second one, needless to say…
- :: I used to bring my ex to this place all the time. Look! There they are now!!
- :: Your dad was better in bed.
- :: Wow! That was some fantastic sex!! Definitely in my top five!
- :: They way you eat reminds me of my friend's Dodge Charger, only messier.
- :: Do you mind if I'm married?
- :: What's going on with your nose?
- :: Trying to impress your date with your Yoda and/or Chewbacca impersonation.
- :: Telling your date how you just got a check up and you came back clean.
- :: Telling your date that your recent check up came back… unclean.
- :: I have a confession to make…
- :: My mom and my uncle have been married for years and they're great.
- :: Second cousins don't count…
- :: Are you normally this ugly, or is it the lighting?
- :: I got a sore on my mouth… Did you get one, too? (said the following day, after the first kiss)
- :: I've been watching you for a while now…