15 Things NOT to Say on a Date (Famous Last Words).

So this is a brief, but fun entry that I think is aptly titled “Famous Last Words.”  It's no secret that over the years I've probably said a great many things to not get myself laid.  It's second nature to me, really.  So I'm providing a small collection of things that, if said, will probably not get you laid regardless of your sexual inclinations.

A couple of these (no not all of them!) I've said to horrific effect.  I could let you guess what things I did say… But I'm not gonna.  I'm sure the general opinion of my dating prowess is already pretty low on the suck-scale-of-doom.  So I'll tell you that I did attempt my Yoda/Chewbacca beat box performance on one date… There wasn't a second one, needless to say…

• :: I used to bring my ex to this place all the time.  Look! There they are now!!
• :: Your dad was better in bed.

• :: Wow! That was some fantastic sex!! Definitely in my top five!

• :: They way you eat reminds me of my friend's Dodge Charger, only messier.

• :: Do you mind if I'm married?

• :: What's going on with your nose?

• :: Trying to impress your date with your Yoda and/or Chewbacca impersonation.

• :: Telling your date how you just got a check up and you came back clean.

• :: Telling your date that your recent check up came back… unclean.

• :: I have a confession to make…

• :: My mom and my uncle have been married for years and they're great.

• :: Second cousins don't count…
• :: Are you normally this ugly, or is it the lighting?

• :: I got a sore on my mouth… Did you get one, too? (said the following day, after the first kiss)
• :: I've been watching you for a while now…