Advice. It's defined as “a proposal for an appropriate course of action”. I've given a lot of advice to people, some I know and some I don't know. Some of this advice is pretty good, while other advice I've doled out has been pretty damn awful. Like that time I told Jason Rybka in high school that the sore on Jenny Gardner's lip was nothing to worry about… Sorry dude. Anyway, good advice is sage; something that can surely help you avert disaster. However, poor advice… Poor advice gets people punched in the baby-maker. True story. I've seen that TV show, ‘Cheaters,' and I know what's up! By the way, brilliant freaking show. Right up there with ‘Celebrity Boxing,' but I digress. So I was thinking about bad dating advice that I've been given over the years. Man… I either need to stop taking advice from my friends or stop being so naive!!!
Talk About Shoe Size – Seriously! An old friend of mine gave me two pieces of advice that were awful. Talking about shoe size was one of those tidbits of advice and I don't think I can tell you about the other without being morbidly embarrassed! I'd like to state that this advice had been given to me before my 21st birthday and I no longer do this… Thankfully.
Anyway, yeah, I would go on dates here and there and make it a point to talk about my shoe size because I was made to believe that would make a girl think about the size of my, um, jack hammer… Yep. It took some time, but after enough random dates telling women about my shoe size and the puzzled responses, I cut that nonsense out pretty quickly and I also stopped taking advice from that old friend.
Don't Call For ‘X' Number of Days – I never got this one. There is no formula. I think the only thing here is that you probably wouldn't want to call your date, literally, minutes after your first date has finished. That seems needy and insecure. Outside of that, even calling the next day seems like fair game to me. I've called women the day after a date, up to two weeks after a date (I misplaced the gal's phone number) and it makes little difference. If you're interested, show your date that you are. Be direct.
Don't Tell Her You're Interested, be Aloof! – Sure, there's something to be said for the chase, but there's also something to be said for knowing where one stands, too! I've confused a woman or two in my younger days (aka two months ago, cause I'm a douche bag) by not letting a girl know what she means and what I want from her. If you have feelings for a woman, let her know!
Drunk Texting is Cute; it Shows You Care – Um, no, drunk texting is NOT cute. Now that I'm older and crankier, I don't like my sleep to be interrupted. I need that damn sleep, people! So if a woman I am dating does that, I will be annoyed… I'll probably make fun of some genetic trait passed down by my girl's mom. It also has the effect of showing you are desperate. So knock it off!
Cause a Fight for the Make Up Sex! – This one. Just because the Stylistics sang ‘Break Up to Make Up' doesn't mean that it's for everyone. You should only do this if you are a professional with such things. Nothing sucks worse than causing a fight with your “special friend” only to find them leaving you never to return. Don't be an asshole.
Don't Worry, if They Love You, They Will Change – Oh brother. This one has gotten me in trouble over the years. I suffered a long time with the “white knight” syndrome, trying to help the broken and tired women of the dating world. Relationships shouldn't be about finding your “missing half,” so to speak. I believe that a relationship works when two people, who are whole, come together to form a single union, or bond. So waiting for your special someone to stop smoking, finish school, get a better job etc. etc. isn't always the best thing to do. Finding someone who is already on the same path you are on is optimal.
Be Yourself – Okay. How would I ever get to date number two if I was just being me? Stupid advice. =)
On that last item, I'm kidding of course. Tread your own water and make your own mark… Just don't be an asshole.
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