This is a topic that, surprisingly, I don't tend to discuss a lot with my friends. I say “surprisingly” because most anyone that knows me knows that I feel that true friendships between men and women can't exist without some sort of latent attraction, which has the potential to “blow the whole thing up!” Needless to say, I'm likely in the minority on that opinion. However, the thing that intrigues me is how a couple regards each others' best friends, if they're of the opposite sex. Is there some dynamic to worry about? Do you protest the friendship? Do you limit how often your partner hangs out with their best friend? What do you do?Sure, it's not really that big of a deal, but I think the conversation deserves attention. For me, I'm a pretty trusting guy and women that I've dated with male best friends and it really hasn't bothered me and perhaps that's because I haven't had to deal with a best friend showing they wanted to be more than friends with my partner.
I know people who are married that share friends that are of the opposite sex and it has absolutely no bearing at all in how they all interact with one another.
I suppose that if one subscribes to the notion that “all good things should be had in moderation… including moderation” then there really isn't so much of an issue, because there is a balance that has been struck. Problems will arise when the issue of “too much” is reached. Too much what??? Too much time spent between your significant other and their best friend, perhaps. Maybe there's too much flirtatious behavior or other “not-so-friendly” banter going on.
I had a girlfriend who had a very good male friend that she worked with. I'd always here about this guy and would see him if I went to happy hour. He was a great guy and funny and dare I say a most eligible bachelor. Anyway, one night my girlfriend came by my place after work. When things had become more intimate I noticed a bite mark on her left, just above her knee. That wonderful not-so-little mark was left by her best friend. In my mind, I'm thinking “What the hell!!? Why is this guy biting her?” To me, it seemed really inappropriate. Her explanation was that they were “messing around and playing rough” after hours at work. Again, it's something that seemed odd to me, but I let it go. It came down to a trust issue. I did trust my girlfriend and that was the end of it. If I'd seen another such mark then I would have had another talk with her about it… In all, I just let her know I was concerned about it and that it was something that I was thinking about.
What ever the case may be there is a line. How that line gets defined should be up to the couple, not just one person or the other. That is, it's an issue to have a healthy discussion about and reach a mutual understanding. Though, this could bring up the discussion of the “guest star” in the bedroom, but that's a whole other topic… For another author. =)